How to be a Super Woman: Meet Motherfunker!

1. Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself
I'm a home-educating mama to four boys, aged 2, 5, 8, and 9 and my real name is Paula Cleary. A few years ago I started ranting on home ed forums and people just really took to it, saying they loved how I expressed myself and to keep ranting! Some folks asked to use my musings on their websites and so I progressed to writing articles, some of which have featured in EOS magazine, amongst other places. I do love a good rant, so have now taken up blogging, after thinking I wouldn't be techie enough to do it for several years. Now I realise how easy it is, I wish I'd started sooner! 

Education Outside School Magazine

Just recently I started Doula training, since I obsessively read earthy birthy books and get a kick out of the whole trip of bringing life into the world. I have loved all my births and pregnancies and supported friends through theirs, so this feels like a great thing to do! I live in Cambridgeshire with my husband Pete, our kids, and our crazy, fluffy, bearded collie called Martha. I'm very outnumbered being the only human female in the house, so I borrow my friend's daughters as often as posssible to balance things out and keep me sane!


2. Do you have a 'grand plan'? Do you think this has changed at all over the years?
The plan has always been to wait till the kids have their wits about them enough to go travelling. I don't fancy having a two year old stropping their way round the world with us, and running off all the time etc etc! So when it is a sane and safe enough time to go, we'll up and see the world a bit with them. There are so many places to see... Poland where my mum's family are from, all of Europe, and particularly Italy and Greece (we are crazy for greek legends in this household), Egypt, Morocco where we have some lovely family posse, Kenya to visit the family of a little boy we sponsor through PLAN, the States where we have a bunch of family dotted around... so many places! We will probably have to do it on a shoestring so that will be a challenge!  On a personal level I would be very keen to visit a variety of birth centres around the world including a centre in Bali I would love to go and volunteer at. I figure that if I can learn from beyond the little world of my own experiences and those within this culture, I will be a really kick-ass Doula in my 40's and thereafter! 


But plans can change, and the kids/we may need something different then. We shall see as things unfold who needs to be where, and at what time...


3. What gets you up in the morning?
Being jumped on by our 2 year old. Then Pete usually gets up first (I am a bit of a dragon if I get up first) and makes coffee. Until that point I am a little grumbly and S-L-L-O-O-W. I'm not a jump outta bed kinda gal. I need to be poked and prodded and jumped on and dragged!


4. Run us through a typical kind of day
Get jumped on. Hear an audiobook being played very loudly in our oldest boys' room - usually the voice of Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter (for the millionth time). Fumble and fudge for clothes, breakfast stuff etc... Come to after about 1/2 hour of being awake!!! We might have a plan for the day or not. If we are going out for the day somewhere, full-scale pandemonium ensues - searching for shoes, beakers, nappies, socks that match, socks that don't have holes in, clothes that don't look or smell feral (boys are stinky little beggars!) - a whole bunch of going out for the day stuff. Usually by this point I need a stiff drink and a lie down. How you schooling mamas do it every day I have no idea! Hats off to you. The kids then sit in the car for about 20 minutes while I look for everything else I forgot to pack. 

Home-edding: What do they do all day?

Basically I am pretty scatty and disorganised but hey, could you think straight with four crazy kiddos firing questions at you left right and centre when you're trying to get out the house? We might meet up with friends at a park, or forest, museum, sports centre or at their house. It might be just our family and one other, it might be a smallish gathering, it might be a full-blown home ed convention! It might be something ad-hoc or organised weeks in advance. The most families we will meet up with at any one time during the week is usually about 15 or so, except for the odd really big event. Otherwise we do stuff at home - cook, garden, play games, read books, listen to audio, dance, do crafts, make things, do workbooks, watch some educational programmes/play pc games, all sorts. Or it may be a boring day with loads of errands to do.


5. When you experience a setback how do you pick yourself back up again?
I reflect. Maybe sulk a little. I ask for help or different perspectives, and talking it out helps. And when I'm 'over it' I just try to learn from my mistake or try to be more patient or whatever is going to be required to push on past that hurdle and move onwards and upwards. Sometimes doing nothing and letting things play themselves out is all I can do.


6. Who or what inspires you the most?
Strong characters inspire me. Folks who break the mold and do things their way. Different people inspire me at different times. It is sometimes those very close to me, or others in my life who are overcoming difficulties, or it may be more well known people, certain authors or musicians or thinkers. TV celebrity culture doesn't really inspire me. I think everyone has the potential to be inspiring. I actually wrote an article on homeschoolingideas.blog about inspiring people, you can read it here.


7. We all have bad days when we doubt our abilities and ourselves. How do you get through yours?
I stew. I feel the full force of it. I doubt myself, and this starts to snowball - the doubt mentally projects and creeps into my thinking on all sorts of things, situations, etc. I start to feel despair and it becomes a wider and wider issue, until I have reached the point of lamenting for all of humanity! You know, the whole "Oh the human race is so stupid, we'll screw it up and and ruin the planet and everthing will be bleak and horrible" line of thinking where everything seems doomed and pointless. My fears spiral and grow to bursting point. And my husband is the one who brings me back, who talks me down from that place. I spew out all my frustrations and fears and doubts and he questions me on each point in isolation.  I feel better breaking it all down, and by talking we disentangle that big ball of worry. I realise that I am only responsible for some of the things I have been worrying about. That some things are easier to fix than I had thought. That some things are beyond my control, so I need to let them go. That I am not crazy, just trying too hard to do too many things at once. Or spreading my energy too thinly. And after a good cry and lots of hugging, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and I can move forward again, a little freer and lighter than before!


8. What do you feel are your greatest achievements and why?
I'm really proud of my relationship with my husband. We brought it back from the edge, and have something really beautiful because of that. We have four lovely children that we feel very close to. They drive us nuts but we love 'em like crazy. We work hard to create a happy home, a welcoming home with an ethos of love, of caring for others, and learning and living in freedom. It's not easy and some days are very hard, but I am super proud of what we are doing, living out our dreams, and giving others a helping hand wherever we can.


9. Tell us what you think constitutes a "Super Woman" and list 3 key ingredients for success.
I think a "Super Woman" is one who can rise above the selfish and destructive actions of others and forgive her own too. A Super Woman gets out of her own way, gets over her baggage and leaves it behind to be who she would like to be, to be who she dares to be. She challenges herself and takes responsibility for her own self-worth. I think a superwoman is someone who tries to bring others closer to their dreams and seeks to help them move beyond the painful things that hold them back or keep them 'enslaved'.


10. Final words of wisdom?
Get over youself. Forgive everyone. Love yourself. Love everyone. Follow your dreams and passions. Visualise yourself succeeding. Proceed towards your goals. Accept there will be some set-backs. Get over them. Make things happen, don't wait for things to fall in your lap. Hold onto those you treasure with both hands and handle them with great care and love. Accept that you can't be good at everything simultaneously, that you can't please everyone in your life simultaneously, that you have a finite amount of energy. Rotate your care and attention a little rather than spreading yourself too thinly - you will simply burn out in the process otherwise. Keep a smile on your face, your feet on the ground, your head in the clouds, and help your fellow woman and man be the best they can be.... helping each other to be happy is what being  'super' is really about, don't ya reckon?


Where you came from or where you are now really needn't hold you back from achieving your goals. Don't let yourself be defined by your grief or sorrows, by the negative, by the unjust or misfortunate things that have happened in your life. Doing so, is in a way, a bigger tragedy than whatever misfortune struck you in the first place - to STAY stuck, to waste your life on hate, sadness and self-pity. I say these things because I have trodden that path, and really did waste a lot of time being defined by my own tragedy and personal grief. Transform your hurts into positives, turn hatred into helpfulness and love, and live your life to the full!!!




You can find Motherfunker over on her blog, Feet on the Ground and Head in the Clouds.


Do you know someone who fits the bill of Super Woman? Even yourself - don't be shy! If you would like to take part or recommend a friend, please send a message with the details to me at giveanearthly at gmail dot com.

How to be a Super Woman: Meet Gina from Happily Poddling Along...

1. Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself
If you break down my days I'm primarily a mother (my daughter, Midi is three and a half and my son, Mini is three months) and home-maker. However, I tend to fill every spare minute with something and as an avid crafter I always have several creative projects on the go too, some of which are usually freelance graphic design jobs. Just in case I ever get bored I also help run the local parent & toddler group, the local play group and the home birth support group, and there's also the charity myself and few others are in the process of setting up to support parents with learning disabilities.


I've worked as a doula since 2005 and as a breastfeeding peer supporter since last year and although I'm currently officially on maternity leave I still regularly talk to expectant parents on the phone and volunteer at the local breastfeeding support group and parent-craft classes. I originally trained as a graphic designer and have continued to undertake freelance design jobs as and when too.

Vintage dress for a toddler, Made by Gina.

2. Do you have a 'grand plan'? Do you think this has changed at all over the years?
There is always a grand plan, otherwise I'd have nothing to work towards! It has evolved over time and I'm sure it always will, but these days there is a lot more enjoyment of the here and now and a lot less pressure to get somewhere else. There was a moment a couple of years ago when I realised all my big dreams had come true – I had a wonderful life partner, a child (now two, which is even better), a job I adored (being a doula) and we'd found our dream home (a gorgeous 200 year old stone cottage in the country, with land and woods to work). I still have things I really want to do, such as actually make some money from my crafting and further into the future to train as a midwife, but it feels as though the Big Things have already been achieved so in some ways the pressure is off. That's not to say I'm complacent, but I am able to really appreciate the things I have now and enjoy these precious times with my young family without yearning too much for what I may be able to achieve in the future. I actually have to hold myself back from grieving for the loss of these magical (if manic) days before they have passed so, for now, my grand plan is to make the most of now and create the wonderful memories that will make me smile for the rest of my days.


3. What gets you up in the morning?
My kids, literally, usually at the crack of dawn. And then I grunt and thump around until the lovely Dr Poddle hands me a cup of tea and I gradually begin the metamorphosis into something more human. In the psychological sense, it's usually the latest creative project and the hope that maybe today I'll get a slice of time to devote to it that gives me that little extra oomph when I'm dozy-headed and craving more time under the covers.


4. Run us through a typical kind of day
After a start much like the one above we'll run through the morning mayhem of getting us and the kids breakfasted and dressed, the dog walked and fed, the chickens out and fed and anything else sorted. On the days when Midi goes to the local play group I drop her off after Dr Poddle has left for work (unless the timings work out for her to do the dropping off) then it's either home to attempt to keep on top of the chores with a bit of crafting/designing/interwebbing thrown in if the time/baby/inspiration is present, or we're out running errands or meeting up with folk. On the days when Midi is home based then the day will be some random mix up of shared activities like baking or child-centred craft and independent play for her while I try to keep the cogs going around the house as well. I've been surprised at how easily Mini, our three month old has fitted in to everything. He really does. He just comes along with me when out and happily watches me get on with things at home as long as he gets plenty of chat and feeding in between. I know I'm extremely lucky to have such a chilled out baby and although life still feels chaotic, I know it could be much worse.

Wax Crayon Batik: Gina has fun crafting on her blog

By mid-afternoon I'm starting to get my head into how to play out the evening. Midi is an early riser and if she doesn't have her tea by 5 and be moving into bedtime by 6-ish then we risk some serious tantrums and a much more interrupted night, so the clock starts to tick about 4:30. I used to really enjoy our family meal times but they just don't seem to fit her pattern at the moment given that Dr Poddle usually gets home from work not much before 6. So, kiddy tea happens, then Dr Poddle returns and we take it in turns to help Midi to bed: bath, stories and cuddles. Then we get to chill out, eat, and catch up with each other whilst cooing over Mini. Our evenings these days usually involve watching some TV or DVDs as a way to wind down and I'll usually be doing something crafty at the same time.


Weekends are the fun times and can involve anything. We try to give each other at least a little bit of child-free time every weekend, even if it's just an hour or so. Often we'll see friends, but we also really enjoy spending quality time at home. There's a lot of work to be done planting, caring for the animals, keeping up our wood stores etc so we're not short of things to do.

Cradling. View more of Gina's birth art here.

5. When you experience a setback how do you pick yourself back up again?
I had to think about this one. I have to find a way to lessen my emotional attachment to the setback, whatever it may be. I often find this quite easy to do by remembering the faith I have in the universe providing whatever I need, whether or not I can see why or how at the time. So faith plays quite a big part in it for me. My faith has evolved a lot in the last ten years or so and I now identify broadly as a pagan leaning in a shamanism direction, but the specifics fluctuate and combine many other things too. I don't undertake much ritual or formal practice but life and the universe now has a structure in my mind and heart that resonates with my soul and that brings me a lot of peace.
Once I'm able to see the setback more objectively it's usually possible to figure out a solution. Talking things through with my very wise Dr Poddle is often helpful as well. She's very good at cutting through crap, whether it be mine or anyone else's so she's a great sounding board.


6. Who or what inspires you the most?
Gosh, all kinds of people and things! I've become increasingly addicted to other craft blogs so I'm always stumbling across amazing ideas for practical things I want to make or do too. I also find my daughter's creativity to be truly inspirational so engineering environments where we can be creative together is something I love to do and gives me plenty of inspiration – I'm sure it will be the same with my son in due course. I'm also blessed with an amazing network of friends and colleagues from the world of doulaing/home/natural birthing and deep, engaged conversation with these wise women (and the odd man) helps fill my soul and keep me energised.

Experimenting with finger labyrinths

7. We all have bad days when we doubt ourselves and our abilities. How do you get through yours?
I usually run crying to Dr Poddle who gives me the cuddles and pep talk that I need. My sister and one of my cousins also get leaned on if I need them – and I try to offer the same in return. So seeking support is usually my first action. I don't seem to have a problem asking for help which is a good thing for me, though possibly not for everyone else... Other than that, it's a faith thing again. That deep rooted belief that the universe knows what it's doing, and if it doesn't then there's nothing I can do about it so I might as well make the most of what I can gets me through.


8. What do you feel are your greatest achievements and why?
Somehow managing to manifest my dreams by my early thirties, particularly conceiving, carrying and home birthing two wonderful children with dodgy fertility and the need for donated sperm ranks high. I've also felt enormous satisfaction from some of my doula work: witnessing someone go from anxious and fearful to an informed, empowered, roaring birthing goddess and knowing I may have helped play a part in that transformation makes me very happy.


9. Tell us what you think constitutes a "Super Woman" and list 3 key ingredients for success.
Most of the women I know are superwomen! A couple of months ago I met up with a group of about 8 friends for a group lunch with our assorted kids, all under 6. It was only afterwards that I realised that all but one of them was also either running or setting up their own business or enterprise as well as being the primary carer for their children and keeping a household ticking over. It made me feel very proud of all of us, even though we all run round like headless chickens most of the time to do it. Some of them even manage to look extremely glamorous while doing it, unlike me who wears make-up maybe twice a year and regularly goes out forgetting to brush my hair or even look in a mirror to make sure my top is on the right way round (it isn't always).


As for ingredients for success I'd say that setting reasonable goals, nurturing oneself (in whatever ways work for you) and doing one thing that makes you happy for every one thing you do that feels a chore would be a good start. Now I just need to remember those things myself...


10. Final words of wisdom?
Just surrender to the present. It's a beautiful place to be and so easy to miss.


You can find Gina over on her blog and her doula, graphic design and craft sites.

Do you know someone who fits the bill of Super Woman? Even yourself - don't be shy! If you would like to take part or recommend a friend, please send a message with the details to me at giveanearthly at gmail dot com.