The Luxury of Child-Free Time and How the Demons will be your Downfall

Finding headspace

I'm sitting in our cabin in a sweet little stream of sunshine as it pours through the French doors, and simply contemplating the absence of busy-ness that has pervaded our lives over the last few weeks. 


It's wonderful of course, and yet somehow disturbing at the same time. Instead of putting my feet up, heaving a great sigh and curling up with a fabulously enthralling book and a big mug of hot chocolate, I feel racked with guilt and twitchy. I should be DOING something. I have several 'To Do' lists around the place, on whiteboards and bits of paper and stored on my computer.... all screaming out to have their surfaces scratched, the process of DOING begun. 


And yet... there's the sunshine, and the peaceful house and the awareness that this window of time is finite and before long, perhaps only ten minutes or so, it will have vanished forever and I will be back on that treadmill (or ferris wheel?) of doing.


So I choose to make a compromise and attend to my more and more neglected blog, and share with you a little of what is going on here right now.


And I feel contemplative, so this feels right, rambling on to you about this stuff!


Amongst other things, I've recently started along my path to yoga teacher training. This in itself has forced me to hesitate a little more each day and reflect upon our choices, our lives and what we fill them with. In the West, yoga is taught very much as an exercise, like running or aerobics. Traditionally, however, it is a much more holistic discipline. In fact, through the ancient yogic texts we find that yoga, and the practice of all the "eight limbs", will lead to true enlightenment and prolonged health, of mind, body and soul. Much like Buddhist thinking, the yogi approach believes that we can never be truly happy, healthy and at peace until we surrender our attachment to external pleasures. That isn't to say we can't enjoy them, but rather our lives should not depend upon them for happiness.


And so it is with the business - the busy-ness - of DOING. We fill our lives with what we feel is important, what we feel we must achieve, complete and keep on top of, when all we want is to be free of them, and to be able to relax and have fun, enjoy life. 


At the moment Father Earthly and I are very much sharing child-care responsibilities so that we can both get enough time to do all the things we need to do. So it is that basically, we are ending up with no real family time together, because there's to much to get DONE. And that sucks!

The wall of busy-ness

And yet, on the days I have the kids, I still feel the guilt creeping up on me. Instead of playing with them and teaching them things about the world and generally enjoying them, those little demons inside are telling me I should be "just trying to get this done"; it'll only take ten minutes and then you won't have to worry about it...


Have you been there? Then you know how it feels, and how it generally goes:
"What's that darling? Hmm? Oh lovely"
"Yes, sweetheart, I'll be with you in just a minute"
"Oh don't do that darling, look - take this over there and play with it"
"Come on, guys, just give me 5 minutes!"
"Oh for F*%$ sake, leave me alone, can't you?!"


Demons, I tell you, in your head. In society. Telling you that your time is paramount and not even your children are worthy of benefiting from it over and above your other responsibilities.


Of course, you need time off. And when the kids are sleeping or they are out at nursery or with a friend or partner, what do you do? Do you clean the house, answer emails, pay bills, all the things you never get the chance to do otherwise? Or do you simply relax - switch off completely and answer the needs of your inner self?


I'll tell you now, those demons are wicked little blighters. Ten to one, if you find time for yourself and feel good about it, someone else will make you feel like shit - for daring to take a tiny window of time to attend to your heart and soul needs. They will make you feel guilty and selfish. Which of course just perpetuates the cycle.


I'd like to step off this ferris wheel once in a while, and jump back on again when I feel the need. On and off, just like that. Hop on, hop off. Sit still for a while and contemplate, and then throw myself back into the fray, hair flying and hanging on tight for dear life.


Wouldn't you like to do the same? Bring back a little balance to your lives. Recognise the need and the possibility - the NECESSITY - to switch off. Completely and utterly. Encourage others to do the same. 


Stop DOING and start BEING.


Go on, I give you permission ;)

This was linked to the Seasonal Celebration Sunday on Natural Mothers Network. Go check it out!

Give an Earthly Boot Camp: Week 2

End of week 2 of my self-imposed boot camp and I'm realising why "resolutions" never work - because your psyche rebels!! Although I have been wanting to do these things for months now, part of me just still wants to snuggle up, hibernate and eat chocolate. All day long.


I'm being a little hard on myself. Actually I started off really really well. I got up early for my runs, before everyone else was awake and went out into the beautiful clear Cornish sea air as the sun came over the horizon. I cam home, feeling knackered but triumphant and had a nutritious smoothie and some fruit for breakfast. The rest of the day may have included some cooked food, but I managed to stick mainly to raw. 


And I've in fact been doing even more yoga than I promised, as I've been involved in some farm "fat club" nights! Last week I even led a class for the first time in my life, which was kind of fun :)


BUT...  I have definitely lost my resolve on the food front. Comfort eating at every opportunity - the other day a whole bar of chocolate in one sitting, and more dairy than I would even normally eat. Puddings and snacks and suppers have suddenly become necessary the last week, and biscuits abound. What on earth? The crazy thing is I want to eat raw and healthily, but something in me is rebelling - the bit of me that wants to curl up in bed with a good book and shut the rest of the world out.


Hmm. And I haven't made it onto week 2 of my running plan. Yet I was doing so well - by my 3rd day I already felt I could run for longer without wanting to give up. Incredible! But a string of sleepless nights and frosty mornings have put paid to my resolve.


I'm not sure how to continue. I don't want to yoyo, but I also don't want to give up. The way things are going I may well be the only one to have put on weight come weigh-in time this week!


Humph. I'm off to raid the cupboards...

2012 Boot Camp

One day...

Woohoo, a new year has sprung and boy am I glad to have got through the last one! There were some pretty hairy moments in the last year, not to mention a few too many 'things' to be coping with. This year, I hope, will be much more positive, relaxed and focussed...


To start it all off with a bang I am entering myself into my very own boot camp: Camp GiveanEarthly, if you like. I need kicked into shape in so many ways and over the last year I've found too many (however viable) excuses to keep me from being on top form. 


I don't do New Year's resolutions. But the Christmas period excesses did help to cement my feelings on aspects of my diet, exercise needs and day-to-day habits.


So, to kick it off? I am going raw.


Oh YES sireee. Despite being really fascinated by all the raw literature and recipes out there, I have never really done more than dabbled. But my body is literally screaming for fresh, living foodstuffs - particularly since I've been cramming it with rubbish over the festive season!


I'm making it easy for myself too. I am not going for a high raw diet, not straight away anyway. Basically I am upping my intake of fresh (preferably organic) fruit, veg, salad, sprouts, seeds and so on, so that they are the main bulk of any meal. The rest will be some of my 'usual' foodstuffs - wholegrain bread, pasta, rice, eggs etc. But these will be the minority on my plate, not the majority!

The Raw Food Pyramid

It's easier than it sounds too. Today I had a smoothie and some fruit for breakfast which were more than substantial for me, though I can see that on some other days I might want some raw granola type affair or similar. For lunch I made a yummy salad with a carrot and apple slaw, some pumpkin seed mayo, baby spinach and tomato, grapes and a boiled egg with a couple of regular crackers (I don't have a dehydrator and can't see me bothering with such recipes unless I get really bored in all honesty). For dinner I'm thinking of having soup - either part warmed or steaming hot depending on how I feel :)


I've already got a pile of seeds, nuts and legumes soaking in the fridge ready to make things tomorrow (like hummus and an almond pâté) and I reckon as long as I can start to try and think of things in advance (at least until I get used to eating this way) then I'll be ok!


Next up? Couch to 5k!

Get off the sofa girl!

This one could not have been less likely. I do not run and never have. But weirdly, over the last 4 months or so, I have had SUCH an urge to do so. Every so often It'll just burst out of me and I'll be sprinting down the road, limbs flailing, like a crazy little 5 year old again. Goodness knows where this has come from, but I've been impatient to start this program since well before Christmas. And now I finally have the time and space. First run, tomorrow morning :)


Did you say 'Morning'?

Yep you heard me, morning. The only realistic time for me to go running is first thing before the kids are up - or at least while they're having breakfast with Father Earthly. Having never been one to willingly roll out from under the duvet when it's still dark (and cold), this is going to be a major challenge for me. Not least because my body is still catching up on a few years' lost sleep! But I am convinced that it needs to be done, for a whole host of reasons. I hope that in the longterm it will give me the boost I need to start the day properly and positively. And I've told myself that at least I can go for a nap with the kids later on if I really need to!! WIsh me luck...

On top of all that? Yoga goes hardcore!


Not satisfied with a weekly astanga practice, I am planning to go to twice-weekly practices, one of which will be the traditional Mysore style. I hope that this will help me to develop my own personal practice as this has always been a sticking point. I also hope it will really improve my strength much more quickly. And later this year I plan to start teacher training! Eeek!


Welcome to Boot Camp GiveanEarthly. Anybody fool enough to join me? 


There's safety in numbers... :)


Happy 2012!

Guest Post: 7 Things That Helped Me Survive Pregnancy. By Mampoekie

Laura Schuerwegen a.k.a. Mamapoekie is a Belgian expat mother and wife, currently living at the banks of the Kasai river in DR Congo. She has an unschooled three year old and a little one due December. She writes about Life, the Universe and Everything at Authentic Parenting.

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Pregnancy

A while back I read an article on Babble entitled just this. I was appalled to find that more than half of her pregnancy savers were either junk food or medication, both are things which your baby doesn’t need during gestation. Even though I'm not very fond of the title, since it makes pregnancy sound like the plague, I decided to write my own.

I must admit I do take the occasional antacid, as I have had serious reflux with my first pregnancy, and this time around had it from the moment of conception. I am still looking for natural alternatives (if you have any, please add them in the comments below), but so far no luck.


1. Pillows
On this point, I agree with the Babble author: pillows are a great way to create a comfortable sleeping and even sitting arrangement. I have one under the head of my mattress (against the reflux), and use a nursing pillow between my legs. Towards the end of my previous pregnancy, I had another one behind my back, and one under the back of the mattress, to battle heavy legs and fluid retention.


2. My Special Morning Sickness Brew
The first few months of this pregnancy I was attached to the hip to my teapot and special brew. First thing in the morning, my husband would concoct a ginger and lemongrass infusion, fresh from the garden. I would then drink the first two cups warm and the rest of it cold. This is the recipe:

- an inch of ginger, cut in pieces - for the morning sickness

- one stem of lemongrass, rolled up - this calms the nervous system, and at that time I was dealing with a lot of anger and frustration, plus it is super yummy.

Just pour boiling water over the lot and drink hot or cold. You can add some honey for taste. Some days I added the juice of one lime, for the vitamins.

3. Prunes
Dried prunes or prune juice help really well when you are constipated, which is a common symptom of the hormones and later the pressure of your bowel. Always keep some handy. They make a delicious snack. You could also make compote from dried prunes, by stewing a cup of prunes and a cup of water, mix or mash, as desired.


4. Water
Water is really the source of life, especially when you’re pregnant. Drinking a lot of water replenishes the amniotic fluid, wards of fluid retention, helps against constipation and lots more. I always have a bottle and glass next to me, specifically when I am writing.


5. Rest
I try to listen to my body and rest as much as possible. This is not always easy with a three year old around the house, but I arrange it so I either nap with her, or someone is around to take care of her during a nap. If I am really low energy, I will take a quick cat nap while she’s watching a movie.


6. Yoga
Right now I am doing Shiva Rea’s Pregnancy Yoga, and so far it has really helped me control my back issues. I feel replenished and relaxed after a session and my daughter loves to join. I don’t do it as much as I like, but end up doing the whole session at least twice a week.


7. Positive Thinking
Probably the most important thing in pregnancy is your thoughts. It is in your power to control them, and turn around negative thought. Pregnancy should be a time of contemplation, where you benefit from dealing with and healing your grievances, in order to be radiant and ready when that little bubble arrives.

Meditations on Love and Fear

Fear = Death

You might remember, way back in May, I wrote a post about "Mastering Love and Fear". That post was partly inspired by David Sye's upcoming workshop entitled "From the Mastery of Fear to the Mastery of Love".


I've now had the heightened pleasure of attending the workshop and would love to share with you a couple of meditations from the day. I hope these resonate with you just as much as they did with me, and I hope I can do them some justice...


These are both copyrighted in essence to David Sye, Yogabeats, though of course the words/interpretation are mine.


On Life and Death
Sit, or lie down, comfortably. Close your eyes. Bring your focus to your natural breath: in, out, in, out... just observe it and wonder how incredible it is. It flows, ceaselessly, no matter what, and without your conscious help. In, out...


Now breathe in normally and breathe out, all the way, till there's nothing left in your lungs. Hold your breath there and notice the vacuum. Hold it, hold it, keep holding it. And think of someone close to you who has died, or imagine someone dear to you dying - their life, their loves, what you miss about them. Keep holding your breath and keep thinking about their precious life, now gone. 


Now breath in, allowing the air to rush into your aching lungs. How good does that feel?


Fear vs Love
Imagine yourself in a big, beautiful room. In that room, however it manifests itself to you, is a large mirror. Go and walk in front of the mirror and look at yourself. Just how you are now: your clothes, your hair, your stance, your demeanour. How do you look?


Now travel onwards, one year into the future. In that year you have let fear take hold. In every part of your life, fear has been king. Look into the mirror. What do you see now? What does your hair look like, your skin, your eyes? How are you dressed? How do you hold yourself? What has changed in your life?


Now step away and travel 5 years into the future: 5 years of Fear. 5 years of living scared. Look into the mirror. What is there now? What has happened? Where have you gone? Where have you been? What have you lost? Who has gone from your life?


Come back to the present and see yourself anew, as you are now. Notice the details and feel thankful.


Now travel one year ahead again, but this time in the positive. Let love flood your life. What do you see in the mirror now? Look into your eyes, notice your clothes, your stance. How do you feel?


And onwards, 5 years... 5 years of Love. 5 years of living in sunshine and allowing Love to lead you. What do you see now? Who smiles back from the mirror? What has happened in your life these last 5 years? Who has entered? What opportunities have arisen? Where has life taken you? 


Now come back to the present. Which road will you take?


Namaste x

The Art of Tapas: Through Yoga, Birth and Life

Today I am acutely aware of every single muscle in my body because they all ache. After not managing to get to a yoga class (and by god there's no space on the boat to do it!) for approximately 2 months, I threw myself in at the deep end and attended a whole day workshop plus my normal ashtanga class this weekend. On top of that I've still not got back into it properly after having baby Earthly no. 2 so I am well down on my performance.


And while I know I shouldn't beat myself up about that, it's really hard not to. Not only is my stamina and general ability lowered, but I find that my post-pregnant body has changed: I now find some asanas a lot more difficult or uncomfortable. I find this strange as post-first-birth I really didn't notice much difference (other than the obvious lack of core muscles!). 


However, Richard Adamo's workshop was the perfect place for me to start. He talked of two tenets of the Eight Limbs of Yoga: Tapas - 'heat', perseverence, austerity - and Samtosa - contentment. He explained that whilst we should work hard in our practice, with 'heat', we should remain mindful and balance our desire to do our best with also being content with our own personal achievements, however small they may seem from the outside. The idea is not to feel as if we must force ourselves into the 'perfect' position, but work with our own bodies and minds to achieve what we can, and to be happy with that.


And it struck me that this was not just a yoga lesson but that these principles are applicable across the board. In particular the idea of Tapas resonated with my feelings on giving birth naturally. I have long felt in my yoga practice that what keeps me going - whether it's the 56th sun-salute of the day or sinking into a position even deeper with every breath) is a burning desire to do the best my body is capable of, regardless of the protests issuing in my mind. It was exactly the same feelings I had when giving birth. I could so easily have given into the fear, the pain, but at my core I didn't want to and I focussed instead on every moment (not the goal, for if we look to the top of a hill whilst climbing it, we feel like giving up) and every breath. And by doing that, as in a yoga posture, you achieve almost without realising. Through both births this is what I experienced. Gently forcing myself into breathing through every moment, every contraction, every inner doubt and every screaming thought of "I can't do this!" until, suddenly, I had done it, and there, being passed up between my legs, was the proof!


I feel strongly that we could use the idea of Tapas more in our everyday lives. I would love to see this kind of empowering talk being brought into antenatal sessions. Crazy idea? I don't think so. Because you know what? Giving birth is not so much about anatomy or how apart the contractions are or even how fit you are; it's about a mindset. Getting yourself into that alpha state where you are free, without external distractions, to do your animal thing. And most importantly, to believe in yourself, your body to do this. That is the bit most women (and partners!) need drilled into them. We are surrounded in our culture with negativity - about birth, about the economy, about our purpose in life - and that needs to be balanced out before we can relinquish ourselves wholly to the task in hand.


Of course it's so easy to take the principle of Tapas and use it to be hard on ourselves - or worse, to judge others. Emma Silverman, over in The Joy of Yoga, warns us that:

"The balance of contentment and effort is important in asana practice. If we force (in life and in asana) we often do more harm than good. As teachers, it's important to stay mindful of how we move our students into asana. Instead of demonstrating or cueing students to the 'ideal' or most advanced level of any given pose and then giving modifications, start gently and give advancements."

Work within your own limitations; learn to balance true effort with contentment at your own small achievements; be happy with the results. A wise lesson indeed.

The Cat's Pyjamas

I have two joint obsessions at the moment: yoga and fashion design. And I rather think the two go hand in hand very well indeed! It's all about the body, and the amazing things we can do with it- I find the possibilities incredibly empowering and sensual, and that's without even thinking about the S word.


My new favourite person has to be the inimitable Gill Cockwell (a.k.a. Gilly Woo). Not that I normally hold with being hung up on celebrities in the slightest, but she's so, well, normal, and she fits right in with my joint fads of the moment. You see, she's not just a stupendous designer, she has real brains behind that there talent. She acknowledges the fashion industry is both "a bitch" and "a fairytale" but ultimitately it's up to us as individuals to recognise that and make our own minds up about how we want to look, feel and act: 

"I want people to accept, and make the very best of, the life they have instead of mourning for one they don’t. I want people, individuals, (not the fashion industry) to stop placing so much emphasis on how they look or what brand of handbag they carry or what generation their iphone is."

How can you not agree with such solid common sense? So whilst I was already in awe of Ms Woo for her sexy, sensuous and glamorous designs which mould to and hold every curve and feminine wile you may possess, I now find she holds a special place in my heart for being such a solid, down-to-earth thinker as well. I wish in reality we could all be so self-aware and self-confident though. For me that's where yoga comes into the equation. Bonkers it may seem, but through yoga you get to know and explore the possibilities of your own body intimately, and you learn to push yourself (gently of course), because through pushing yourself you see rapid achievements, both in body strength and tone, and in bodily confidence and poise. 


I've recently started to teach myself (with the aid of some excellent books) how to draw for fashion design. It's like a concentrated, fast-track, life-drawing class. Through exploration of the body's structure and make-up you quickly learn about proportion and how to create a realistic representation of the body from the inside out. It reminds me of a life-drawing course I did years ago at Edinburgh College of Art. I couldn't believe that at the end of the week I could actually draw something that looked like a real person and not a bad caricature!


I'm not getting as much time to spend on it as I'd like (have you tried sketching whilst looking after a 3 month old?) but I am enjoying the bits of time I can snatch at it, and otherwise thinking about what I might try next. And of course, for my models I have been using some yoga videos which enable me to explore all those muscle groups from a variety of angles and poses, whilst allowing me the freedom to draw from both stills and moving pictures. What better way to indulge my joint fads and to thoroughly appreciate the human form and its wonders all the more?


I thoroughly recommend a good old back-to-basics look at the human body in this way. It really makes you appreciate your own assets anew, in a different light. So whether you're wearing a baggy old jumper or a fabulous ensemble designed exclusively for you and your personality, you should always feel like the cat's pyjamas...