How to be a Super Woman: Meet Cassandra from Gypsy Love Warrior

1. Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself
My name is Cassandra, I'll be 29 in August, and I live in the great state of Texas with my boyfriend and mini dachshund, Freddy. We don't plan on having any children (a puppy is a handful!). By day I work at a university in the Human Resources department. My main responsibility is helping students through the process of finding jobs and working on campus.


My true passion is writing and art. In my precious spare time I make all kinds of things, from paintings to jewelry to altered glass bottles. I just recently set up an Etsy shop to share these creations with others.


I have always wanted to be a writer. From before I could even write I knew that's what I wanted to do. I was impatient going into kindergarten because we couldn't learn to write and read fast enough. My aspirations never changed as I grew older. When people asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” it was always a writer. I have published several poems in newspapers and magazines and more recently self-published my first collection of poetry. I've also just started a website and blog that focuses on self-love and loving life.


I can't forget to mention that I'm an avid dancer! I'm trained in classical ballet and can be found in a Nia class every week.

Go and Love Yourself!

2. Do you have a 'grand plan'? Do you think this has changed at all over the years?
The plan to be a working writer has never changed. Like I mentioned before, from the time I put pencil to paper I knew that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It would be amazing to do nothing but write and create all day. I know that in time this will happen. But even if I never get paid another dime for my words, I'll be okay with that because it's not about the money – it's about writing from my heart and releasing those thoughts into the world. It's a gift and I'll do everything in my power to continue using it.

3. What gets you up in the morning?
Unfortunately, the alarm clock Monday-Friday. I have to be at work by 7:30 a.m. But on the weekends, I wake up to the sun or the sounds of the birds. If we're not talking literally, the chance to get one step closer to my dreams is what gets me up. Also, love, a good breakfast, an idea, Freddy's kisses and wagging tail, and the ability to dance and dream and create are all things that get me up in the morning (or the afternoon sometimes).


4. Run us through a typical kind of day
Monday-Friday is pretty much the same routine: wake up at 6:15, get dressed, pack my lunch, leave the house at 7:00 to get to work by 7:30. Then I'm at work until 4:30 doing various HR tasks. When I get home from work I usually try to get some exercise in, read, take the dog for a walk, and work on any projects I have going. Yeah, it's kind of boring, but the goal is to break out of the routine and live my dreams of living solely off of my creative work.

Find Cassandra on Etsy

5. When you experience a setback how do you pick yourself back up again?
Lots of introspection and journaling. Even reading an inspiring book helps me through those times. Of course, my family and boyfriend are always ready to listen and lend their advice. My boyfriend is great at problem solving and breaking things down into manageable pieces to help me get grounded again. The same goes for my family; there have been plenty of times when things didn't go according to plan and they were there to help me up and get me moving in the right direction again.


6. Who or what inspires you the most?
So many things and people inspire me! I feel like a whole slew of empowering women have come into my life to cheer me on. I guess I'd have to say the person who has inspired me the most is Francesca Lia Block. She has been my favorite author since I was 16 and I can always read her books for inspiration. I just recently finished taking two novel writing classes with her. Talk about a dream come true! I never thought my favorite author would be reading my work. This year has been filled with amazing moments like that.


7. We all have bad days when we doubt ourselves and our abilities. How do you get through yours?
I try to quiet my inner critic as much as possible. She's really good at saying things like, “Who do you think you are?” and, “You'll never make it,” but I imagine myself shutting the door on that voice and reminding myself that anything is possible and I know everything I need to know right now and that with faith and perseverance, I can achieve my goals.


8. What do you feel are your greatest achievements and why?
Just hearing other women say, “You've inspired me,” is an amazing achievement. To know that my words can help someone else heal and be inspired and dream big is the greatest feeling. I don't think anything can top helping others and using my gifts for the greater good.


9. Tell us what you think constitutes a "Super Woman" and list 3 key ingredients for success.
A Super Woman is a woman who gives completely of herself, but doesn't forget who she is and holds on to what makes her feel alive. It's a delicate balance and hard to do and I admire any woman who can be a mother, daughter, sister, wife, and still go after her dreams. Ingredients for success:
1. Be yourself
2. Express gratitude
3. Never give up


10. Final words of wisdom?
Squeeze all the goodness out of life; forget the naysayers; come in to this world full and leave it empty.

You can find Cassandra over on her website/blog, Etsy, Facebook, Twitter and Flikr.


Do you know someone who fits the bill of Super Woman? Even yourself - don't be shy! If you would like to take part or recommend a friend, please send a message with the details to me at giveanearthly at gmail dot com.

How to be a Super Woman: Meet MJ from Wander Wonder Discover...

1. Tell us about yourself
Hello!! I'm MJ :). I'm a momma, a wife, an introvert with a love for learning. I'm a wanna be writer working hard to find some sensibility in the variability that life throws our way. I stay home and unschool my 2 dark-haired, dark-eyed sun babies (8 and 6), who are the greatest teachers that I have ever known. The man I married I've known since I was 16. I knew then there was something very special about him. Yet, I never predicted we would be here, 24 years later, happy and turning grey together. I am the luckiest woman I know. 


We live an active, unschooled life in central Florida with our 2 rats Remy and Spud. None of us started out as unschoolers, and that is a large part of our life unfolding and unfurling. The floodgates opened as we turned our backs on traditional and mainstream thinking. Everything changed, how we parented, how we perceived our children, how we perceived ourselves, our reconciliation and understanding of how we were raised, and our understanding of learning and how our children learned. I cannot even begin to tell you how profoundly our lives have changed for the better. Profoundly. We have only just begun to reap the benefits of the life we have decided to lead and that is what I love to share on my blog. So with peaceful parenting in one pocket, and unschooling or life learning in the other, we have set out to give our children a life filled with unlimited opportunity.  


2. Do you have a grand plan?
Grand plans have changed many times over the years. But our current plan is to sell our house and move out of Florida. We seek a place that feeds us spiritually as well as fills our need for diversity and cultural richness. We love the green, the trees, the forests, the mountains, but as unschoolers we know we want to be able to feed our minds as well as our souls. As far as personal growth plans, I just want to keep creating, keep writing, and keep doing the things that keep my passion fires alive.  

3. What gets you up in the morning?
I have a wonderful life to wake up to. I have everything I need and all that I could have ever wanted, so waking up is joy every morning. I am not blinded to how my life could have been, and I have not forgotten where I have been. The terrible storms I have traversed in my life were hell, and I don't ever want to visit that place of despair again.  Self hatred, shame, anger, depression, addiction, I have reconciled all those things with hours of self- healing, on my own and with help. For anyone ever having to deal with any of these things, either individually or all at once, there is light on the other side. And it's true what they say, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger." Much stronger. But the journey never ends with the conquering of one personal demon. Where there is one, there are more to follow. This is when purpose through people, passion, and creativity come in to play. By filling my life with these things, there is little room for despair. 


4. What does a typical day look like?
Soy latte first, always, then blogging and writing, which I love. After that, my children and I plan our day. I make suggestions, and we talk about ideas. They tell me what it is they would like to do and then we do our best to compromise and make things happen. I strive to find the interesting and joyful things that we can learn from. Many days we are out of the home all day, other days we never leave home. 


When we are home, we are reading or listening to books, trying a new game, playing with puzzles, practicing multiplication, writing in journals, practicing our letters, practicing our reading, cooking, doodling with pens, playing computer games, exploring through a microscope, aiming at an archery target, learning about animals, swimming in the pool, trying to catch bugs, hunting for fossils, looking up history facts, watching Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, How It's Made or Brain Pop.  When we go out, we are visiting a factory, farm or nature reserve, going to the beach, going to summer camp, going to co-ops, going to plays or performances, going on a road trip, going to museums, visiting friends, going to the library or bookstore, going to the science centre or herpatarium. My own needs are important in our days as well. I make time to create whether it's to knit, sew, crochet, draw/doodle, art journal, and I read.  To ignore my own needs would be a big mistake and a poor representation to my children on importance of fulfilling our passions. So everyday is about making it work for all of us. We each give a little, we each take a little. The point is we all are getting something, and we all are helping each other get that something. We are a team.


5. When you experience a setback how do you pick yourself back up again?
The biggest setbacks I experience are usually emotional. Either I didn't get enough sleep, or didn't eat well, or my hormones are loopy.  On these days I have a shorter fuse and know I have to be gentler with myself and my kids. I make sure not to plan too much on those days and let the kids know that I am feeling "off". I might stay away from the computer too, as too much screen time tends to make me feel worse than better. Then I try to focus on my kids. No matter how bad of a day I am having, my children usually can help me snap out of it. When I look at life through their eyes, everything is much simpler. I am guilty of overanalysing, and over inflating issues. The kids bring me back down to earth and remind me that by staying in the present moment, things are never as heavy as they seem.  


6.  Who or what inspires you the most?
My children inspire me and my husband inspires me, of course. But I think the greatest source of inspiration I receive lately are moms. Mothers of all ages, stages and places.  Every mother I know works hard everyday at giving their family the best that they can give.  


I am so grateful to all the women who have committed to sharing something that they have learned on their journey in parent and person hood. Without their experiences most of us would be pretty lonely out here.

7. We all have bad days when we doubt ourselves and our abilities. How do you get through yours?
I have learned a lot about ego in the past several years. Ego is that voice inside that tells me that I have to do and be more, that I have to receive attention or be recognised, or that I have to be perfect. Ego, many times is that voice of doubt and fear that says "What are you doing?? You can't do that, you don't know what you are doing!" Sure I have doubts about what I put out there. These are the thoughts that push me in a corner and make me feel small. Yet I have learned that I have a choice in whether I listen to these thoughts or not. There has to come a point when I ask myself when I will be enough. I can decide today that I am exactly how I was meant to be, imperfect perfect in every form.  Or I can succumb to the self defeating thoughts leading to a self-fulfilling prophesy. There is so much freedom in accepting who we are now, exactly as we are, and loving every inch of ourselves inside and out. Once I accepted this about myself, I have no desire to be anyone else but me, and only do the best that I can do. Ambition takes on new meaning when this happens. It no longer means having to be better or achieve more than anyone else, it just means doing better for myself and for sheer passion and joy of it.


8.What do you feel are your greatest achievements and why?
My greatest achievements are overcoming the demons I mentioned earlier which included an eating disorder and exercise addiction. Everyday I thank the universe for my life and for the gifts that my struggles have given me. I have not looked back and I regret nothing. My marriage is my second greatest achievement. My husband is my rock and my best friend. There is no other person out there that gets me like he gets me. He will own my heart forever. Third, my relationship with my children. This was a hard fought battle that involved looking at my own ingrained beliefs that I had developed from my own childhood. Our children are mirrors that reflect our own imbedded hurts from our past. I never imagined my life with children to be like it is now. They are my best friends, my inspiration, my joy. They have taught me how to be a better mom and a better person. They, too, will own my heart forever. 


9. Tell us what you think constitutes a "Super Woman" and list 3 key ingredients for success.
A Super Woman is I think, quite opposite from that woman flying in a cape. There is no bravado, no cheering crowd, no recognition or key to the city. Super women are the grunts in the trenches doing what needs to be done to keep things going. Most super women I know are moms working hard everyday to be better for their children and their families. They are modest yet strong, humble yet unyielding, knowing what's exactly right for their own family. Super women aren't afraid to make mistakes. They ask for help, knowing that most successful people always had help. Super woman accept the bad with the good, knowing everything has it's own time. Super women never lose sight of that little girl inside, remembering that she has needs too. Super woman are ever changing and ever evolving, knowing that stagnation is not an option. They walk a delicate line between seeking joy for themselves and everyone they love, yet still remembering to savour the precious minutes that go by.


If I had to pick ingredients to super woman success, they would be these:

• Humility 
• Kindness/Compassion
• Authenticity
• Strength of character/Integrity

One last thought...


In a world that is constantly trying to separate each of us from the other, either by the way we look, by what we have or don’t have, by what we can or can’t do, I say look for the things that make us more alike. We all want the same things, we all need the same things - love, compassion, kindness, and connection.  


Thanks so much Zoe!!!




Thank you MJ! You can find MJ over on her blog, Wander Wonder Discover.

Do you know someone who fits the bill of Super Woman? Even yourself - don't be shy! If you would like to take part or recommend a friend, please send a message with the details to me at giveanearthly at gmail dot com.

Mastering Love and Fear

Fear vs Life

I've been thinking a lot about happiness this year. Well, it's a recurring theme for us all really isn't it? Every day is evaluated by how well we think things are going for us, how lucky we are, what pitfalls have stopped us short (or temporarily holed us), what achievements we've managed despite the competition/weather/economical situation etc etc etc.


Is it me or has it all gone quiet on the "David Cameron wants to know how happy you are" front? Popping over to the Office for National Statistics site, I see that they're now in the process of evaluating all your comments and "expect to report on the findings of the debate in July 2011". Oooh, I can't wait.


Yes, you did read that right, the cynicism in my tone. Not usually noted for being so (I tend to believe cynicism is self-destructive and pointless), I can't help it in this case. I will be genuinely interested to hear the "results"; however I do believe the subject of the country's happiness, and particularly the method for gathering information on it, is not something we are exactly experts at on the whole. Quite apart from us being duly noted worldwide as "a bunch of whinging poms", there is the small matter of the questions you were asked. Sadly I can't see the questionnaire now it's closed, but I remember looking at it a few months back and seeing the same old leading questions on health, housing, economy etc etc etc. Well, you say, aren't they what's important? Well, dear reader, that's rather up to you. But my point is, that by forcing you to answer questions on such topics, they are making you feel as if they ARE important to you, whether they really are or not. 


The political satire Yes, Prime Minister, gives a wonderful sketch demonstrating how leading questions can achieve either a "yay" or a "nay" from you in the same sitting:

But at risk of encouraging mass egocentricity, if you were to forget about all our societal structures, can you make an honest and raw appraisal of your real happiness goals? Or do you struggle to think outside the confines of those structures? In his blog, the Moneyless Man Mark Boyle claims we are all "addicted to civilisation". Defining addiction in his own terms as "'any behavioural pattern that persists despite the person being aware that it is harming their physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being and/or is killing them'", he summarises that

"Addicts effectively keep refusing to let something much more fulfilling into their lives, probably because they no longer have a real sense of how good life could be without [their fix]."

Now I happen to know a family member who fits this bill exactly: her life revolves around the negative and what kind of sensation she can cause or glean from it, whilst at the same time bemoaning how torrid her life is. She happens to be a particularly case, but we are all guilty of it.

David Sye of Yogabeats

Similarly, on his Yogabeats blog, David Sye also speaks of 'addiction', this time to "life as an item", where 

"Western life is built around the ability and concept of controlling everything.  For we are terrified by what we cannot control, so life itself poses a real threat"

Attacking those age-old hang-ups we all succumb to ("I can't do A until X, Y and Z happens.."), Sye rightly points out that 

"Nothing NEEDS TO HAPPEN for you to remember that you are life itself, showing up (whether you like it or not!) through the little idea of who you imagine yourself to be."

Whilst I agree wholeheartedly with both takes on this essential message, Sye really nails it for me in outlining his current workshop From the Mastery of Fear to the Mastery of Love. He claims we have to learn how to:

"recognise the addiction we have to the "emergency emotions" of fear and our emotional wounds and how and why they keep repeating throughout our lives, until we learn the cognitive skills that can transform us from the mastery of fear to the mastery of love".

In other words, before we can selflessly care 100% about the planet or even how much "civilisation is killing us", most of us will need to look to ourselves first. Honestly, openly, and without preconceptions, excuses or prefabricated societal constructs.

Anyone who knows me knows I can preach till the cows come home about finding your true place in life no matter what. I annoy my friends and family daily with my evangelicism whilst struggling myself with the subject. A wise teacher I once knew said that we all study what we are most lacking in ourselves. It's so true. But nobody said the path to "happiness" was finite. The route between mastering "fear" and "love" is completely organic, flowing, elusive at times, confusing and often changeable. So nobody - no government official, no yoga master, no psychiatrist or teacher or parent or friend can TELL you where to find your own happiness. You have to go looking for it yourself.

What will you choose?

If you need guidance you won't be short of finding some on the web. Start off by checking out The Happiness Project, Blacksburg Belle and The Goddess Guidebook. But ultimately you've got to follow your own intuition. Those who lead the happiest lives (and recognise it) have found what works best for them and are always open to re-evaluating that, within certain limits. For example, whilst some days I dream of running away to join the circus and somewhat lessening my responsibilities, in my saner moments I acknowledge that such a move would only make me temporarily "happy" at best, thereafter reducing me to a life of misery and regret.


I feel that personal happiness in today's world can be best achieved through an alchemical mixture of self-control and empowerment: learn to recognise what you love and what works for you within your given limitations (see above!) but don't over-indulge (or at least not too often). And allow yourself to feel empowered, strong, capable. All too often our best efforts are belittled in one way or another - it is not a British trait to "be proud" of yourself. But proud (not gloating or domineering) you must be. You've come this far, you've achieved this much. You are you and nobody else. Of course you should be proud.


And don't think for a minute that I'm saying you should all do what you like and forget about community values and the state of the world at large. Of course I'm also appealing to your moral nature and societal values. And I'm also trusting that you will find the balance "between constructive attempts at greater self-knowledge and pointless rumination" and not go down the self-destructive path of "overthinking". 


Learn to master your fears; learn to master your loves. Learn to be you.

Make a Wish... On Being Me

Pissenlit: Illustration courtesy of PrincesseCamCam

Today I am not a good mamma. I'm feeling tired and frazzled and selfish. Father Earthly is being wonderfully patient and showing baby Earthly no. 1 how to make cookies for grandma and how to blow dandelion clocks whilst I have grumbled constantly about my maternal duties and have been neglectful to the point where I've just found baby Earthly no. 2 chewing on my HMRC employer payslip booklet.


On days like this I really struggle to like who I am. I've come a long way in terms of self-acceptance over the years but still I have days, weeks or months when I wish I was an entirely different person. My shyness - which frequently passes into the anti-social - and my lack of self confidence are traits which I would willingly wish away like the spokes from a dandelion clock.


I often find myself looking at people in the street and imagining them with a different hairstyle, a complete change of wardrobe, a change of demeanor.  It's a game which is so absorbing because as an objective outsider, you can see the endless possibilities for others. In theory I know we can be whoever we want but in practice it's never an easy task. 


I know all this and whilst I've achieved many of my dreams, aspirations, goals, I feel I still cannot change the fundamentals of who I am, and sometimes that really gets me. So, you say, I shouldn't want to change but rather accept who I am. I've tried that too but unfortunately being anti-social is not a very positive trait!


And I worry. Because with my babies I know - in the first I'm already starting to see it - that they're likely to share some of those traits, in one form or another. And my job is to guide them through life in the most positive way possible, allowing them to come to terms with their own shyness but not letting it hold them back... how can I do that if I feel I've failed in my own life?


Our children teach us so much - I'm already learning that lesson. So here's hoping that my kids will teach me to accept myself for who I am and figure out the best path for ME that will lead me to be the best I can be...