Everyone Needs Good Neighbours: How 1 Month of Co-Housing Changed Us

Preparing for a communal Christmas

And so it begins, our new adventure. We arrived, 1 month ago, crashing down crazily into a different world, amidst new people, places and procedures. We are not alone any more, we are one.


I never could have imagined us here, not really. I may have dreamt of such a thing but then thought about it in real terms and dismissed it almost instantly. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a loner, a maverick, an inconstant. I love my friends and (some of!) my family, but I am not naturally extroverted. I prefer to shy away inside my shell and look after my own accounts for the most part.


So why on earth would we consider living in an intentional community? Well, if you look at it this way, our lives were crying out for it for all the reasons I've given above. And above all, we have always loved the idea of community - one that is mostly and sadly missing from life as we know it these days. It's just that, like most, we had these preconceptions about what it might be like. I thought I would feel stifled, put-upon, awkward, expected to follow rules and rotas and join in all the time. I thought I'd have to compromise too much and struggle to just be myself when I needed to be, to breathe, to be independent.

A not-so captive audience!

 Perhaps some communities are like that, but here, we are not. The core belief is "freedom with respect", so basically you are free to do as you like, but remember that your actions have the potential to upset others if you don't think them through or discuss with others as appropriate. Hey, that's just like 'real' life should be to me, but it isn't, is it?!


Trelay is a co-housing community, so we all have our own private spaces as well as shared areas such as the farmhouse lounge and kitchen and the laundry. In real terms none of us 'own' our properties and as such we are responsible for them mutually, so if work needs done we are all expected to muck in if we are able, in whatever way we can. 


And so we have changed. Some days we still like to do our own thing and look after ourselves first and foremost, but mostly we are out there, doing our bit, helping the community at large along. Whether it's baking bread for everyone in the farmhouse kitchen or buying in bananas, repairing pig fencing or digging and planting up new beds in the polytunnel, we are there and loving it. As are the kids! 


I have never seen Father Earthly so purposefully happy. In this day and age we can feel disempowered so easily, and as a result lapse into bad habits (spending too much time on the computer or in front of the TV), and generally sink into feeling that the world is a pretty pointless, worthless and unhappy place. Coming here has changed that for us. I'm not saying we don't have our bad days but having like-minded, positive and vibrant people around has made an enormous difference. Life is easier and yet more fulfilling, more joyous, more meaningful.


Above all I have seen our mindset change on who we choose to interact with and why. Before, I saw little point in making the effort with someone who was clearly very different to me in their values/outlook/interests, but being a member within an intentional community has changed this, mainly because everyone here has a shared goal, or goals. So whilst there are a diverse selection of people from all walks of life and with a wide gamut of interests and beliefs, we have a common interest which is for us all to get on and achieve wonderful things together! That doesn't mean we all have to be bosom pals and equally it does not prevent friction or arguments from breaking out - we are human after all. But having a shared vision helps us to sort things out more easily and amicably, to the benefit of all. 


Isn't this how the wider world should be?

Playing the piano together

What's more, I used to think of communities as potentially quite insular, and this isn't the case here. Perhaps because of our values, we interact and co-exist peacefully and meaningfully with our neighbours - they come to events and special dinners, we use local veg and grocery suppliers, do meat swaps (pork for beef etc) and help run the parish council. Our nearest farmer looks after our sheep for us and maintains some of our land. We get involved with local plays and societies and events, both as individuals and as a group. It's all really rather lovely :)


Intentional communities, and in particular co-housing groups, are on the increase as more and more cotton on to a way of life that is sustainable, affordable, accessible, fulfilling, meaningful and heartwarming. If you'd like to give it a try, why not come and help as a volunteer, or attend an interest weekend or other event?


We have all just spent a lovely weekend making and baking for Christmas. It's been like being part of a big, happy family - all enjoying getting stuck in and helping each other and remembering what Christmas is actually about. I'm so pleased my kids have this environment to grow up in and thrive - I can't think of any better education for them.

The Big Secret and How it Affects You

"How long will it last, this peace I have found... It is all of life that I contemplate - sun, clouds, time that passes and abides. Occasionally it is also that other world, foreign now, that I left centuries ago. The modern, artificial world where man has been turned into a money-making machine to satisfy false needs, false joys." - Bernard Moitessier, The Long Way.

The Strangles, North Cornwall

In about 2 weeks' time, we will be gone from here. We will have given up our boat (the one that was meant to be our home for the next 20-30 years or more), our business (already being sold off as I type), and Father Earthly will have reduced his working hours by almost half. We are breaking with pretty much everything, in fact, in an attempt to change our lives for the better.

Fancy a boat? Have a look :)

These last 2 years or so have been so tough, and we have forgotten how to laugh properly, how to find joy in the little things. That is what we need to regain at all costs.


When we embarked on our adventures in our lovely green camper 3 1/2 years ago, it was to seek a much simpler life, a more spontaneous way of living, and quite frankly to have more fun. And by god so we did! But then our little sproglets came along and complicated things. Suddenly, even our simple way of looking at things became fraught with stumbling blocks and much weariness. Father Earthly's work and my business got in the way of enjoying our family and creating a home. Stress and anxiety and immense fatigue prevailed: this was not the way it was meant to be at all. And so something had to be done, but what...?

Our new home!

And then very suddenly, just as everything seemed to have gone dark forever, a chink of light appeared. It beckoned and wavered and lured us in. Father Earthly wasn't so sure - why should he trust this light? What if it was a hinkypunk? What was the light offering exactly? Did it have all the answers?


Gently, curiously and not a little warily we started to follow the light, to seek and know the source - Father Earthly dragging his heels a little reluctantly whilst I skipped eagerly ahead, stopping periodically to urge him on. Occasionally our path came to forks and crossroads and diversions, but on investigating these other ways, our light dimmed or was lost altogether. Once or twice, we very nearly lost our way entirely as the dark closed in on us.


Stay with me here, folks.


Today, this very moment, the light is beaming out strongly and bathing us, bright and glowing like a crisp Autumnal day. It feels good and it feels right. There are still many unanswered questions, but the most important have been satisfied. After our long darkness, I feel like a convalescent, letting the warmth and goodness seep back into my very bones.

The way things were...

There are of course some regrets and just a little bitterness. As I type I am sitting on our narrowboat (newly cleaned and tidied), the woodburner chucking out it's cheerful cosiness, and I'm surrounded by all our things, by our space. This was to be our home, and now we have to say goodbye: for financial (and practical) reasons, we can't even keep it on as an occasional outlet for adventures and hideaways. All of the work we have started, all of the special materials or pieces (such as our lovely stove!) that we chose or had planned - all seemingly wasted. That is very disheartening.


But I'm a philosopher and there's no point wallowing in the quagmire of regret. As a friend of ours likes to say "it's better to regret the things you've done than those you haven't".


And that's where you come in, dearest, most wonderful reader! Do you feel as though life has a strangle hold on you and you can't break free? Has all the light gone from your life and your mere existence is dull and grey, or worse...? Are you filled with regrets? Or dreams, passions, caged birds just waiting to be set free?


You know what to do my friends.


And if you need me, you will find me here.


xxx

The Honeymoon Diaries, by Father Earthly

After a pretty horrible month all-round, Father Earthly and I were amused today to come across the diary he kept whilst we were on honeymoon, 4 years ago. We have been clearing through our stuff - a hopeless and altogether exhausting task, and reading through his snippets of captured times past, my head peering over his shoulder, we were both brought to a place we thought long forgotten.

------

Mardi 9/10/07
It's a peculiarity but when we are as relaxed as this it's not only the case that little joys are magnified, but little disappointments too. Not to say that things are stressful, but minor disappointments can have a larger than normal effect on our mood. However, those little joys can bounce us back up again.


Today didn't start all that well. We'd made our minds up to do a spot of swimming at the Grand Etang, especially as the weather seemed warm enough to do so. We set off on the bikes to St Estephe, stopping after a slog up the hills to take a look at 'Le Roc Branlant', a huge piece of granite rock balanced on yet more granite. It all looks extremely sturdy (only later did we find out that its name means 'the shaky rock' - it's possible to move the whole rock backwards and forwards. We've been told it's common to crack nuts or flatten money with it. Obviously we'll have to take another trip to use up our spare centimes!).


Then we made our way to the swimming lake only to find that the wind had got up a bit, the clouds had increased, and it was a bit too nippy to dip in. So we sunbathed for 10 minutes until the clouds became too numerous, forcing us back onto the bikes just to stay warm. So by this point we were starting to get hungry and finding Le Moulin still closed and unable to face one particularly onerous hill, we headed towards Piégut. En route, we passed the restaurant we'd seen on Friday, only to find it had closed for their 2 week holiday on Sunday, putting paid our idea of dining out this week. 

For a true get-away-from-it-all experience,
visit Covert Cabin!

Heading into Piégut we were unsure of the time but heard the clock strike 2 o'clock as we arrived. Having seen that the Bistrot, at least, was open until 3, we perused the menus of a couple of places until finally deciding upon [Father Earthly's handwriting becomes completely illegible here] which proudly claimed on the board that it was ouvert. Heading in and in the process of perching our bottoms however, we were informed by the chef that, in fact, the place was fermé. At least he had eth good grace to mumble desolée. So the Bistrot it was then. Or was it? Obviously being open until 3 is different to taking on new customers at 2.15. Oh well!


A wee bit disheartened, hungry, and generally not in the mood for cycling, we decided to take a shortcut home and proceeded down the rough track with too much haste and not enough caution. My sudden braking to avoid a muddy puddle resulted in [Mamma Earthly] tumbling over her handlebars, tearing her hands in the process. Unfortunately my attempt to clean out the wound with a sports capped bottle of water only furthered the pain she was already in and we limped back to the cabin a very sorry pair. 


Wounds cleaned, antiseptic spray squirted, and plasters applied, we sat down to a large slice each of a cake we'd baked yesterday. And it was this carrot cake, with a healthy dollop of frosting, that put the smile back on our faces - the small joy that magnified into a big pleasure, bouncing us back up again.

Home is Where the Heart is

Sorry for the silence of late everyone - life seems to have got in the way!  Above all, we recently came back from a lovely 10 days in soggy Cornwall, which was a much needed tonic for us all. Ok, it would have been nice if the sun had come out a bit more, but really the rain was just an excuse to don wellies and raincoat and splash around in puddles and go head to head with the wind on the cliff tops :)


And then we came back, and well, you know what it's like when you come back from hols… big downer, back to reality and all that. Except this time it was like coming back to a life which we hadn't quite realised was SO difficult. We knew things were tough, in many ways, but a break away peeled the scales away from our eyes and made us see things a little clearer. And with that, it has made us think a bit more about where we want to be in life.

Ooh big questions huh? Yep.

Amusingly, the lovely Lucy at Dreaming Aloud just posted a link which kind of sums it up (or some of it at least): Less Work, More Living, summed up in a nutshell as "Earn less, spend less, emit and degrade less". It's what we strived for right from the start of our adventure, when we set off in Rona (our camper) back in 2008. But life changes and gradually you sink back into the old ways, accumulate things again, strive for more and ultimately end up needing more money for it all.

With our boat we hoped to create a home for our family. But in order to achieve that we will be tied down to hard slog for the next ten years at least - and the irony is by doing that we also make a choice between making a home and making a family, because any time we do have (i.e. weekends) must be spent either working on the boat or enjoying time with each other. You could say we could try half-and-half, but believe me, it doesn't work out that way!

So, another turning point. In a radical shift away from traditional views of "hearth and home", we are now looking at creating a home within ourselves and carrying it wherever the wind blows us. Sure, it's nice to have pretty things and familiar things all around: bookshelves groaning, our trusty range bubbling away all manner of goodies; our own bed (which actually isn't so comfortable!) and so on. But at the end of the day things don't matter, do they? They just reflect what's inside us (or should). What if we were to look to the light within instead; the source of our personalities and dreams and feelings?

I hope we can learn to shine enough as individuals and as a family to be able to create "home" wherever we might require it, and at any time it is needed. They say "home is where the heart is" - and we're taking that in its most literal reading!

How to be a Super Woman: Meet Fanciful Alice!

1. Hi! Tell us a bit about yourself
I would describe myself as a mother, wife, writer, dreamer, vegetarian, gardener, crafty girl and most certainly the owner of itchy feet! Currently I live on a narrowboat not too far from London with my husband, young daughter and our beloved dog. I write on a freelance basis for a number of magazines about travel and sustainable living and in 2009 my first non-fiction book, Tales from a Travelling Mum, was published. 



2. Do you have a 'grand plan'? Do you think this has changed at all over the years?
I think that since f . o . r . e . v . e . r my plan has been to live a life true to my heart's desires and for as long as I can remember those desires have always been focused on the ability to travel freely, live in new and exciting places, meet and learn from inspiring people and then write about those experiences. Sometimes I think I was born with a pen and a map in my hand and I feel so blessed that thus far I have been able to develop my life so that travel and living in other countries, and in turn having the words there to share, has been a major part of it. 


When I was 17 and working in a 9-5 office job paying rent on a flat I dreamt of seeing the world, I just wasn't sure how or when it was going to happen. I would devour books from the library on travel and living abroad and spend my days clock-watching, staring out of the window day-dreaming. Eventually I did get the opportunity to do short back-packing and driving trips through France and Spain before I headed off on my first big trip to Japan for six months at age 24. You could say I was hooked then. Hooked on spending extended time in places, hooked on new sights and sounds, and in love with just getting out there and living an adventure.  


After that I landed a job writing for a tourist guide which saw me travelling the world solo - I was in heaven! I absolutely loved the thrill of being out there seeing places and meeting people, but I also realised that solo travel - although an amazing experience for me - could get lonely. On a break from that job I met my now husband and after a brief stint of settledom, in 2008 we sold up, packed our belongings and headed off around France, Spain and Portugal with a camper and a loose plan that we might find somewhere to start a new more sustainable way of life. We had a fabulous time but we didn't find the right place at that point so eventually we returned to England and for the last year or so we have been living on a narrowboat. We love it: the slower pace, the feeling of being so close to nature, the sense that we are living more lightly on the earth ... but the feet are itching and now that my daughter is a little older there is talk of another adventure.



I really believe that you see so much more, hear so much more and live so much more when you pack a bag, a tent (or a camper) and leave without a plan. This kind of simple travel, which needn't be to the ends of the earth, has always been, and still is, my favourite kind. No doubt my desire for this kind of trip came about after I read Laurie Lee's, As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning, many years ago. The idea of taking only what we need and really submersing ourselves in a new culture is like a drug to me and doing a major trip on foot is definitely something we have in mind. 


Of course, this constantly evolving way of living can cause frustration, but perhaps more with other people's views on how we are all supposed to live! Now I'm 35 I am becoming more open to the idea that I am simply a perpetual wanderer always looking to embrace and enjoy new experiences and places. I'm lucky that I have a husband who shares the dream and that we both believe there are huge pluses to raising a child in this perhaps slightly unorthodox way. 


So no, looking at my answer, I don't think the plan has changed at all over the years!


3. What gets you up in the morning?
My 4-year-old daughter and our dog climbing into bed... that's if the ducks haven't woken me up first tapping their beaks on the hull of the boat!


4. Run us through a typical kind of day
Well, I stay home with my young daughter while my husband works - some mornings, some afternoons. When he's not here we hang out, usually gardening, doing crafty stuff, painting, reading books or visiting her friends and my friends. When daddy gets home we normally go for a big dog walk or cycle as a family and now it's Summer, we always take a picnic. We like to spend plenty of time just hanging out together at rivers, lakes, forests, play parks, and beaches whenever we get the chance. Throw an ice-cream into the equation and that's our kind of happiness. Obviously we try to throw in travel trips whenever we can, both in England and abroad and cruise up and down the canal here in our floating home throughout the Spring and Summer months. 

I fit my writing work in during the evenings and I am also busy working on my second book, which I am writing long-hand whenever I find a spare moment before typing it up chapter by chapter. Despite temptation to write a follow-up to Tales from a Travelling Mum I have decided to follow my heart and concentrate on writing a novel, travel-inspired of course! I'm both excited and nervous about embarking on the journey towards trying to find a publisher for my fiction.


5. When you experience a setback how do you pick yourself back up again?
I believe in rolling with my feelings so if I'm feeling hit by a setback I just let myself be hit... and slowly I try to listen to my body and mind, recharging and refocusing along the way. Writing a diary helps me with this - if I can look back and see how I'm feeling on paper then I feel much more able to make greater sense of what is really going on and make plans to fix it.


6. Who or what inspires you the most?
People who follow their hearts and aren't afraid to push boundaries, step out of the box and do what makes them happy. People who have found a way to live a kind and thoughtful life submersed in nature. Close friends. My husband. My daughter. Books. There are so many books that inspire me, but perhaps sometimes it is just a few simple quotes that are enough to really touch my soul. I'm always dipping in and out of something or other. 


At the moment I'm reading 'Last Chance to See' by Douglas Adams and despite it being a great book full stop, in particular the other night I was reading a chapter on the endangered Northern White Rhinos in Garamba National Park. Here Douglas met Kes Hillman-Smith, a world renowned rhino conservationist and describes the house she lives in with her husband and their two small children: 

"It was a house they built themselves, out in the bush on the edge of the river ... when it rains they lower tarpaulins over the spaces where the windows aren't. For the two years it took them to build the house they lived in a tiny mud hut with a pet mongoose that used to dig up the floor looking for worms, a dog, two cats - and a baby."  

When I read something like this I immediately feel less crazy and most certainly inspired by the idea that life doesn't have to be all two up, two down, mortgage and new car sitting on the driveway. It can be, sure. But it doesn't have to be. That snippet of text has stuck with me the last few days.


7. We all have bad days when we doubt ourselves and our abilities. How do you get through yours?
I try to remain focused on those closest to me; those who I know really love me, support me and believe in me. Safety within a small unit of friends and family is all I need in life, that and I cry in front of a good movie, bake cakes ... and eat them.


8. What do you feel are your greatest achievements and why?
When I worked as a researcher for a tourist guide I had to visit resorts and hotels across the world and compile and write information to include in the guides. My first trip was to Canada in the middle of winter and I was s**t scared. I had fabricated the truth somewhat in my interview and had never actually driven in another country, let alone with snow chains. Getting in the hire car at the airport in the dead of night and driving around Calgary trying to find my hotel - I could have cried, screamed, thrown a tantrum and everything in between ... but I kept going and went on to drive the amazingly spectacular Icefields Parkway in a snowstorm the day before they shut the road due to bad weather. After achieving that I felt that whatever life threw at me, I could deal with it. I think many people fail to realise the strength of the human spirit and allow fear to stop them from taking leaps, but I realise from overcoming my own fears that we are all so much stronger than we believe. 


I did cry when I had to drive in Bangkok though.


9. Tell us what you think constitutes a "Super Woman" and list 3 key ingredients for success.
I have to admit to feeling a little scared when you asked me to do this interview because I certainly do not see myself as a Super Woman. For me a Super Woman - other than someone dressed in a blue and red lyrca suit - is a woman who is strong and comfortable in her own skin, driven and unafraid to try and succeed in her chosen dreams and who radiates love to those she cares about. I want to live my life learning every day, to try and be the best person I can be so that I can live the best life I can... I don't always get it right, but these are the ingredients I do my best to include in my recipe for life.


10. Final words of wisdom?
Life really isn't a dress rehearsal and just because a large percentage of people are doing one thing, it doesn't mean it has to be right for everyone. If you have a different dream about how to live, don't be afraid to get out there and live it. I truly believe that you will regret it if you don't.


You can find Alice over on her website, Etsy shop, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.


Do you know someone who fits the bill of Super Woman? Even yourself - don't be shy! If you would like to take part or recommend a friend, please send a message with the details to me at giveanearthly at gmail dot com.

Living Life Your Way Interview

I am dead chuffed to be part of Pixie Mama's inspiring Living Life Your Way series: go read my interview over there today and find out a bit more about me :)

Famous Five Friday

It's about this time of year that the Famous Five set off on another fun-packed adventure, inevitably in an attempt to recover from a bad cold or to make room for Uncle Quentin's mad scientific friends. Dire warnings administered (no bathing in April or you'll get pneumonia George!) and promises to write/phone everyday sought, the Five mount their heavily-laden bicycles and ride off happily into the gorgeously warm April sunshine.


Of course, no great adventure can start without first enjoying the obligatory picnic, in a convenient wayside copse filled with waiter-like rabbits and chorister blackbirds. And after a good feed of smashing sandwiches, fruit cake and lashings of ginger beer plus an ice or two, they all nod off, full and contented with only Timmy keeping an ear out for intruders.


In our hectic lives I often wonder why we find it so difficult to achieve such a perfect, simple, state of contentment. And then I realise with a bang - it's all about perspective. The Five don't moan or make excuses - it's just not the done thing. When something goes wrong they give a cry of horror and then immediately devise a plan to fix things. It's something I strive to do more and more in my everyday life and it really works, when I remember. Yes, some days all I feel like doing is moaning and lamenting this, that or another problem, issue or situation. And when I find myself in that mood I know it's just a downwards spiral. Knowing what lies at the bottom of that spiral doesn't make it any easier to get out, but more often these days I manage to catch myself just in time, and hoick my person up onto a convenient ledge or ladder (for there always is one in an adventure) and design a way out from there.


It is said that we choose our own reality. Perhaps more than any other impetus this is what drives me to see the positives. I often see individuals (one family member springs to mind in particular) go about their every day lives in a continual state of negativity. And from the outside I can see that they are creating their own downfall - both real and perceived. Moreover, though, they just make everyone around them miserable as well! Nay-sayers do not listen to reasoning and resolve, because they are harder done to and suffer more than anyone else. I speak from experience!


This weekend I urge you to go out and enjoy a picnic with your friends and family. What's that, it's raining? So gather under a park bandstand or drive somewhere pretty and do the good old-fashioned British in-car-picnic thang. Be adventurous, be brave and be resolute! Go on, treat yourself - and all of those around you too :)

Famous Five Friday

...Because sometimes, you just need to unearth the fine, upstanding, adventurous and forever hungry little Blyton in you.


I won't deny it, I am a true fan of Kid's Lit, especially that kind of innocent, fun-loving, picnic-and-midnight-feast-filled stuff one gets from the post-WW2 period. Halcyon days concerned solely with adventures, wholesome food and good manners. In short, feel-good books to cuddle up to.


Admittedly I haven't had quite as much enthusiasm or energy for such adventurous tales since having babies. But I know I will do again soon, once they are of an age to join in the fantasy and I can pack them off on picnics and treasure hunts. They will know that the world is there to explore and how to interact respectfully with old and young people alike, and those from all walks of life. And they will have healthy appetites.


I recently discovered the wondrous Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer which relates a stunning array of recipes (and delicious background titbits) from all those splendid feasts we find in our favourite children's books. What more could you ask for? 


I have this dream of baking and creating lots of treats and wholesome goodies for my kids to fuel their explorations. And my own of course. So I'll be keeping a copy of Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer close at hand!


Roll on oven day...!


Hope you all have treats and a good adventure (or book substitute) to keep you entertained today.