Everyone Needs Good Neighbours: How 1 Month of Co-Housing Changed Us

Preparing for a communal Christmas

And so it begins, our new adventure. We arrived, 1 month ago, crashing down crazily into a different world, amidst new people, places and procedures. We are not alone any more, we are one.


I never could have imagined us here, not really. I may have dreamt of such a thing but then thought about it in real terms and dismissed it almost instantly. Let's face it, I'm a bit of a loner, a maverick, an inconstant. I love my friends and (some of!) my family, but I am not naturally extroverted. I prefer to shy away inside my shell and look after my own accounts for the most part.


So why on earth would we consider living in an intentional community? Well, if you look at it this way, our lives were crying out for it for all the reasons I've given above. And above all, we have always loved the idea of community - one that is mostly and sadly missing from life as we know it these days. It's just that, like most, we had these preconceptions about what it might be like. I thought I would feel stifled, put-upon, awkward, expected to follow rules and rotas and join in all the time. I thought I'd have to compromise too much and struggle to just be myself when I needed to be, to breathe, to be independent.

A not-so captive audience!

 Perhaps some communities are like that, but here, we are not. The core belief is "freedom with respect", so basically you are free to do as you like, but remember that your actions have the potential to upset others if you don't think them through or discuss with others as appropriate. Hey, that's just like 'real' life should be to me, but it isn't, is it?!


Trelay is a co-housing community, so we all have our own private spaces as well as shared areas such as the farmhouse lounge and kitchen and the laundry. In real terms none of us 'own' our properties and as such we are responsible for them mutually, so if work needs done we are all expected to muck in if we are able, in whatever way we can. 


And so we have changed. Some days we still like to do our own thing and look after ourselves first and foremost, but mostly we are out there, doing our bit, helping the community at large along. Whether it's baking bread for everyone in the farmhouse kitchen or buying in bananas, repairing pig fencing or digging and planting up new beds in the polytunnel, we are there and loving it. As are the kids! 


I have never seen Father Earthly so purposefully happy. In this day and age we can feel disempowered so easily, and as a result lapse into bad habits (spending too much time on the computer or in front of the TV), and generally sink into feeling that the world is a pretty pointless, worthless and unhappy place. Coming here has changed that for us. I'm not saying we don't have our bad days but having like-minded, positive and vibrant people around has made an enormous difference. Life is easier and yet more fulfilling, more joyous, more meaningful.


Above all I have seen our mindset change on who we choose to interact with and why. Before, I saw little point in making the effort with someone who was clearly very different to me in their values/outlook/interests, but being a member within an intentional community has changed this, mainly because everyone here has a shared goal, or goals. So whilst there are a diverse selection of people from all walks of life and with a wide gamut of interests and beliefs, we have a common interest which is for us all to get on and achieve wonderful things together! That doesn't mean we all have to be bosom pals and equally it does not prevent friction or arguments from breaking out - we are human after all. But having a shared vision helps us to sort things out more easily and amicably, to the benefit of all. 


Isn't this how the wider world should be?

Playing the piano together

What's more, I used to think of communities as potentially quite insular, and this isn't the case here. Perhaps because of our values, we interact and co-exist peacefully and meaningfully with our neighbours - they come to events and special dinners, we use local veg and grocery suppliers, do meat swaps (pork for beef etc) and help run the parish council. Our nearest farmer looks after our sheep for us and maintains some of our land. We get involved with local plays and societies and events, both as individuals and as a group. It's all really rather lovely :)


Intentional communities, and in particular co-housing groups, are on the increase as more and more cotton on to a way of life that is sustainable, affordable, accessible, fulfilling, meaningful and heartwarming. If you'd like to give it a try, why not come and help as a volunteer, or attend an interest weekend or other event?


We have all just spent a lovely weekend making and baking for Christmas. It's been like being part of a big, happy family - all enjoying getting stuck in and helping each other and remembering what Christmas is actually about. I'm so pleased my kids have this environment to grow up in and thrive - I can't think of any better education for them.

The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative"

Welcome to the August Carnival of Natural Parenting: Creating With Kids
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they make messes and masterpieces with children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Creativity

"Creativity is intelligence having fun." 

Albert Einstein 

As a haphazard kind of creative type myself, one of the things I looked forward to immensely as a new mum was the inevitable moments of messy play and crafty fun that I was sure would be a daily occurrence. Unfortunately boy Earthly had other ideas. I've written elsewhere about some of his personality traits, particularly as a baby, but suffice to say he was (and remains) a highly sensitive soul who likes things to be just so.


Whenever I tried to engage him in some painting or other crafty activity, he got just a teensy bit upset. And naturally, after a few such incidents, I got just a little upset too. I struggled so much to connect with this little person who simply wanted to sit and organise his crayons rather than attempt some wild scribbles; to sieve earth repeatedly through his fingers rather than digging pits and burying seeds; to refuse point-blank to put his hands anywhere near a tray of paint. Who was this little person and where did he come from?!


When he was a few months old, we were overjoyed to find that he really enjoyed one activity in particular: baking. I guess it appeals to his sense of order and method (despite us being completely haphazard in the kitchen as elsewhere, never measuring anything!) along with his great love of food of course. So we have managed a few baking sessions together, which is generally really good fun, right up until the point when the items need to go into the oven. He's learned recently that things need to "cook" but before now he seemed to think we were just denying him a lovely treat by putting it away!


Such is his love of baking (and eating) that when I tried to get both kids involved in a footprint plaque for Father's Day, boy Earthly screamed the place down when I attempted to get him to make his mark. And when I went to press his sister's foot into the clay, it elicited the same reaction. Having seen me rolling out this brown, dough-like stuff, he seemed to think we were making cookies or something and naturally got quite upset about the abuse of said cookie dough!


Kids are such great teachers. They teach us (if we allow them) to remain open minded. Before boy Earthly came along I rather scorned those who couldn't live with abandon and just have a stab at something, even if they'd never tried it before. I laughed at my mum for measuring pasta, and failed to understand people who followed recipes. But with my little boy's apparent orderliness I have had to swallow my judgment and learn anew about different approaches to creativity.


I know many, many people who believe they are "not the creative sort" because they do not naturally fall into that subset of personalities who are comfortable playing with possibilities. But the last thing I want is for my little boy to believe himself limited - or for anyone else to believe it either. Here's the thing, people. ANYone can be creative (seen Ratatouille?!). It's just a matter of different approaches. While some people may have an innate ability to absorb the 'rules' in order to bend them, others have to really work at it and explore, examine and extrapolate. The role as educator (and therefore my role as a mum) is to allow the freedom in which to do this. For creativity, in essence, is play. And play cannot be forced!


So whilst I watch my son methodically passing water between his measuring cups in the bath (over and over and over and over), I must remember this: in his explorations (however mundane they may seem to me) he is still learning. And quite often the things he finds out are in fact, quite new to us as adults. Like figuring out how to open child safety caps (before he learned that caps usually just unscrew). So given that freedom, and a little exposure to different possibilities, I hope that he will find his creative self and be both comfortable and confident with it. It's a good lesson for all of us - particularly those of you who feel they "aren't the creative type" - to let go, have a go and HAVE FUN!

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Family Draw Time Art Show — Kate Wicker shares art (and inspiration!) from her family's cherished tradition of family draw time.
• The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative" — Zoe at Give an Earthly shares how she learned to accept her "non-creative" child and claims that anyone, child or adult, can be creative given the right handling and environment.
• Creating With Kids: 4 Ways That Work For Us — See how Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings nurtures creativity with her kids through craft projects, outdoor creative play, celebrating the creative process, and setting up "little spaces of beauty."
• Creating memories, not things — Mrs. Green from Little Green Blog reflects on life with a ten year old and how 'creating together' has evolved from 'things' to memories.
• The Gift of Creation — It may be hot, but Kellie at Our Mindful Life is already thinking about winter.
• Hidden Talents — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how providing the opportunity for creativity sometimes means learning to look for hidden talents in unusual places.
• Creating Joy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she and her one year-old son create joy for their community.
• How to do Crafts with Kids — Gaby from Tmuffin guest posts at Natural Parents Network and describes how to keep things simple when doing crafts with kids for magical (easy-to-clean, and tantrum-free) results.
• Sugar & Spice & Baking on the Kitchen Floor — Carrie at Love Notes Mama enjoys making a mess in the kitchen with her daughter.
• Young Scientist Makes Purple Potion — Hannah at Wild Parenting loves being a lab assistant for the young scientist in her life.
• Making a butterfly house — Lauren at Hobo Mama demonstrates the proper way to build a wooden butterfly house with a preschooler.
• Nurturing Creativity — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares the enjoyment she feels in nurturing the creativity of her children.
• Home School Music - Sparking A New Generation Of Musicians — Based on her musical background, Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she creates with and teaches music to her children.
• Creating (im)perfectly Together — Mudpiemama shares some of the highlights of a summer spent building everything from ships to hoops but most of a lesson on letting go of perfection.
• Family Soccer Kick Around — When her children wanted to play soccer, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children helped organize something that would work for her family.
• Creating Memories Together on Skype — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how you can create memories online with adult children or anyone who lives in another city or country.

• We'll always have Halloween: Creating costumes for kids — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is not the craftiest mom on the block, but she does make a mean homemade Halloween costume.
• Let's Make Juice! — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment shares about the benefits of juicing with kids, as well as a quick recipe.
• Everything's Better When It's Homemade — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro praises the art of homemade goods.
• Creating the Opportunity for Art — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how her family has created an environment conducive to art.
• 10 Easy and Functional Crafts Preschoolers Can Do with Minimal Assistance — Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers ten easy crafts preschoolers can do while sitting near parents — but they don't need a lot of parental help. Added bonus: all of these ten ideas double as something functional (gifts, decor, educational).
• Creating with Kids: Singing Together — Ana at Pandamoly details the important role music takes in her household and provides a quick (and easy!) tutorial for creating fun songs to sing together!
• Create This — jessica at instead of institutions considers different aspects of creativity including those without an end product.
• Make Your Own Pocket Bib — A tutorial from Amy at Anktangle on how to make two simple and quick bibs to keep your little one clean at the table.
• Creating Together in the Kitchen — Despite not feeling "crafty," Momma Jorje finds a way to create and connect with her toddler.
• An Artist-Mama's Perspective — In this post, Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the differences between her choice of artistic outlet and her son's, and how they embrace those differences together.
• Heart of the Home — Jona at Life, Intertwined shares some highlights of cooking with kids.
• Getting creative with kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how much she enjoys watching her daughter getting creative.
• Creating with Children - The Nature/Seasonal Table — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama celebrates the rhythm of the natural world with her toddler through the creation of a seasonal nature table.
• How Involving My Kid Saves My Sanity — The Happy Hippie Homemaker explains how involving her toddler in projects allows her to get more done, while providing valuable opportunities to teach and to bond (added bonus: amazing oatmeal raisin cookie recipe!).
• In the Kitchen with Kids — Cooking with Real and Pretend Food — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle engages her kids in the kitchen with culinary creations of both real and pretend food.