Keeping Your BLWer Happy and Healthy (And Yourself Sane)

Nobody said BLW wouldn't be messy, but it is fun!

One of the choices we made about bringing up our babies was to go down the route of baby led weaning. After doing our research, it just seemed like the most natural progression. We were really lucky in that the transition was smooth and fairly effortless, with no hitches or "emergency" style moments.


Both our kids loved the change to solid foods and they got to try a wide variety of foodstuffs - we were always amazed just how much they could manage to chew on with those hard little gums! Having said all of this, we did learn a few things along the way which might help others intending to do BLW with their own babies.

1. Try not to give your baby bread. We didn't learn about this until just before no. 2 popped out, but we had long suspected that boy Earthly was having problems digesting wheat and/or gluten. It is also addictive! Much like adults, we found our babies would far rather have bread/toast than any of the healthier options on their plate. 

2. If your babies are impatient, make life easier for yourself and get into the habit of preparing snacks or meals for them while they're asleep. I know it's easier said than done, but the number of times we've ended up shoving something in front of them that was less than perfect just to get a bit of peace for 5 mins whilst we tried to get something decent together, are too numerous to mention! If you also have some easy, healthy snacks in such as dried fruit that they can chew/suck on whilst they wait (rather than gulp down!), that will save your sanity somewhat. 

3. I know other BLWers who have also given purees alongside solids simply to keep up the nutrient levels, and I must say this is something I worried about a bit with BLW, because after the initial excitement of trying lots of new things, both our babies went through a really fussy stage where they refused lots of veg and would only eat very select fruit. We didn't go down the route of purees, but instead made pasta sauces, smoothies, yoghurts, home-made spreads, pestos and bean patés etc - all of which they LOVED. 

4. When they get to the toddler stage, start making their meals more fun! We agonised for ages with our 18 month old because he'd become so fussy and would pretty much only eat brown or beige food! Then one day we went out for lunch where he had a mezze platter (baby sized!) to himself. He adored it, because he had lots of little pots and trays of things to play with, bits that he could dip and dunk and mix altogether. It really is important at this stage that they are allowed to have fun when eating as this promotes a positive association with food. If they don't eat much of what's there, that really doesn't matter - as long as they're not still screaming for food afterwards of course! 

5. If your babies are anything like ours, there will come a time when their confidence with eating solids lets them get ahead of themselves, and they will start swallowing larger lumps rather than bothering to chew them properly. The worst culprits (we found) are things like grapes and sultanas - they slide down pretty easily in chunks, and the flesh is also harder to 'chew' with little gums. However, we also found boy Earthly was notorious for eating oats in the same way - and undigested oats are not nice in a nappy! It is just a stage that should pass, though you are likely to get a few sore tummies for a while. You could omit the most culpable foods, or simply chop or mince them up first.

Our kids absolutely thrived on BLW and of course it had enormous benefits for us as well - it meant we could all eat together without one of us having to stand and feed the baby whilst our own food went cold - unless of course they were getting something ultra messy (we had some boundaries!!).

Unearthing the Child Within

I wrote this post originally for the September Carnival of Natural Parenting - on the role of play in diffusing "situations" with your little ones. Due to a variety of circumstances I didn't get the post up in time, but I'd like to share it now, as a timely reminder of the importance of "play" in ALL our lives and not just for the benefit of the young 'uns.

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Tea Party for One

A few weeks ago Father Earthly and I were having a pretty major spat over everything and nothing in particular. Months of sleep starvation combined with a multitude of other stresses, from financial to social, resulted in the Mother of all arguments - the likes of which have not been seen in the Earthly household for some 6 years or so.

Each of us had retreated into our own little worlds, silent and seething, whilst the kids became ever-more subdued in their playing in the next room ('room' being given here with artistic licence as we have an open plan boat!). Feeling utterly wretched, I removed myself to the 'bathroom', where I sat on the toilet and cried quietly to myself. The next thing I know, boy Earthly has arrived by my side, carrying a cup from his new tea set, which he offers out to me and gently (and so very cutely) asks for a cuddle whilst wrapping his arms round me.

After our cuddle and cup of play tea, he toddled off into the next room and announced to his dad: "Mummy's crying". He likes to repeat phrases so Father Earthly had it well and truly drummed into him that I was sobbing my heart out in the next room, before he changed tack with the normal lightning toddler-speed and embarked on his next mission, which was to find Thomas (the train).

We can learn so much from our kids, if we allow them to teach us. By the time we'd found Thomas, all was well again in the Earthly household and I felt truly and thoroughly warmed by my cup of tea and cuddle :-)

The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative"

Welcome to the August Carnival of Natural Parenting: Creating With Kids
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how they make messes and masterpieces with children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Creativity

"Creativity is intelligence having fun." 

Albert Einstein 

As a haphazard kind of creative type myself, one of the things I looked forward to immensely as a new mum was the inevitable moments of messy play and crafty fun that I was sure would be a daily occurrence. Unfortunately boy Earthly had other ideas. I've written elsewhere about some of his personality traits, particularly as a baby, but suffice to say he was (and remains) a highly sensitive soul who likes things to be just so.


Whenever I tried to engage him in some painting or other crafty activity, he got just a teensy bit upset. And naturally, after a few such incidents, I got just a little upset too. I struggled so much to connect with this little person who simply wanted to sit and organise his crayons rather than attempt some wild scribbles; to sieve earth repeatedly through his fingers rather than digging pits and burying seeds; to refuse point-blank to put his hands anywhere near a tray of paint. Who was this little person and where did he come from?!


When he was a few months old, we were overjoyed to find that he really enjoyed one activity in particular: baking. I guess it appeals to his sense of order and method (despite us being completely haphazard in the kitchen as elsewhere, never measuring anything!) along with his great love of food of course. So we have managed a few baking sessions together, which is generally really good fun, right up until the point when the items need to go into the oven. He's learned recently that things need to "cook" but before now he seemed to think we were just denying him a lovely treat by putting it away!


Such is his love of baking (and eating) that when I tried to get both kids involved in a footprint plaque for Father's Day, boy Earthly screamed the place down when I attempted to get him to make his mark. And when I went to press his sister's foot into the clay, it elicited the same reaction. Having seen me rolling out this brown, dough-like stuff, he seemed to think we were making cookies or something and naturally got quite upset about the abuse of said cookie dough!


Kids are such great teachers. They teach us (if we allow them) to remain open minded. Before boy Earthly came along I rather scorned those who couldn't live with abandon and just have a stab at something, even if they'd never tried it before. I laughed at my mum for measuring pasta, and failed to understand people who followed recipes. But with my little boy's apparent orderliness I have had to swallow my judgment and learn anew about different approaches to creativity.


I know many, many people who believe they are "not the creative sort" because they do not naturally fall into that subset of personalities who are comfortable playing with possibilities. But the last thing I want is for my little boy to believe himself limited - or for anyone else to believe it either. Here's the thing, people. ANYone can be creative (seen Ratatouille?!). It's just a matter of different approaches. While some people may have an innate ability to absorb the 'rules' in order to bend them, others have to really work at it and explore, examine and extrapolate. The role as educator (and therefore my role as a mum) is to allow the freedom in which to do this. For creativity, in essence, is play. And play cannot be forced!


So whilst I watch my son methodically passing water between his measuring cups in the bath (over and over and over and over), I must remember this: in his explorations (however mundane they may seem to me) he is still learning. And quite often the things he finds out are in fact, quite new to us as adults. Like figuring out how to open child safety caps (before he learned that caps usually just unscrew). So given that freedom, and a little exposure to different possibilities, I hope that he will find his creative self and be both comfortable and confident with it. It's a good lesson for all of us - particularly those of you who feel they "aren't the creative type" - to let go, have a go and HAVE FUN!

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Family Draw Time Art Show — Kate Wicker shares art (and inspiration!) from her family's cherished tradition of family draw time.
• The Rules of Creativity: Learning to Create with the "Non-Creative" — Zoe at Give an Earthly shares how she learned to accept her "non-creative" child and claims that anyone, child or adult, can be creative given the right handling and environment.
• Creating With Kids: 4 Ways That Work For Us — See how Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings nurtures creativity with her kids through craft projects, outdoor creative play, celebrating the creative process, and setting up "little spaces of beauty."
• Creating memories, not things — Mrs. Green from Little Green Blog reflects on life with a ten year old and how 'creating together' has evolved from 'things' to memories.
• The Gift of Creation — It may be hot, but Kellie at Our Mindful Life is already thinking about winter.
• Hidden Talents — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how providing the opportunity for creativity sometimes means learning to look for hidden talents in unusual places.
• Creating Joy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she and her one year-old son create joy for their community.
• How to do Crafts with Kids — Gaby from Tmuffin guest posts at Natural Parents Network and describes how to keep things simple when doing crafts with kids for magical (easy-to-clean, and tantrum-free) results.
• Sugar & Spice & Baking on the Kitchen Floor — Carrie at Love Notes Mama enjoys making a mess in the kitchen with her daughter.
• Young Scientist Makes Purple Potion — Hannah at Wild Parenting loves being a lab assistant for the young scientist in her life.
• Making a butterfly house — Lauren at Hobo Mama demonstrates the proper way to build a wooden butterfly house with a preschooler.
• Nurturing Creativity — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares the enjoyment she feels in nurturing the creativity of her children.
• Home School Music - Sparking A New Generation Of Musicians — Based on her musical background, Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she creates with and teaches music to her children.
• Creating (im)perfectly Together — Mudpiemama shares some of the highlights of a summer spent building everything from ships to hoops but most of a lesson on letting go of perfection.
• Family Soccer Kick Around — When her children wanted to play soccer, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children helped organize something that would work for her family.
• Creating Memories Together on Skype — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how you can create memories online with adult children or anyone who lives in another city or country.

• We'll always have Halloween: Creating costumes for kids — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is not the craftiest mom on the block, but she does make a mean homemade Halloween costume.
• Let's Make Juice! — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment shares about the benefits of juicing with kids, as well as a quick recipe.
• Everything's Better When It's Homemade — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro praises the art of homemade goods.
• Creating the Opportunity for Art — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how her family has created an environment conducive to art.
• 10 Easy and Functional Crafts Preschoolers Can Do with Minimal Assistance — Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers ten easy crafts preschoolers can do while sitting near parents — but they don't need a lot of parental help. Added bonus: all of these ten ideas double as something functional (gifts, decor, educational).
• Creating with Kids: Singing Together — Ana at Pandamoly details the important role music takes in her household and provides a quick (and easy!) tutorial for creating fun songs to sing together!
• Create This — jessica at instead of institutions considers different aspects of creativity including those without an end product.
• Make Your Own Pocket Bib — A tutorial from Amy at Anktangle on how to make two simple and quick bibs to keep your little one clean at the table.
• Creating Together in the Kitchen — Despite not feeling "crafty," Momma Jorje finds a way to create and connect with her toddler.
• An Artist-Mama's Perspective — In this post, Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the differences between her choice of artistic outlet and her son's, and how they embrace those differences together.
• Heart of the Home — Jona at Life, Intertwined shares some highlights of cooking with kids.
• Getting creative with kids — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how much she enjoys watching her daughter getting creative.
• Creating with Children - The Nature/Seasonal Table — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama celebrates the rhythm of the natural world with her toddler through the creation of a seasonal nature table.
• How Involving My Kid Saves My Sanity — The Happy Hippie Homemaker explains how involving her toddler in projects allows her to get more done, while providing valuable opportunities to teach and to bond (added bonus: amazing oatmeal raisin cookie recipe!).
• In the Kitchen with Kids — Cooking with Real and Pretend Food — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle engages her kids in the kitchen with culinary creations of both real and pretend food.

The Crying Game

Cry Babies

I have written here many times before about my bond to "attached" parenting, and it's true - every fibre of my being strives towards it. And as part of that philosophy I absolutely cannot allow my babies to "cry it out". But, I confess, I am only human, and my human mama body will only cope with so much. This is the confession of an "attached" mama who does not always stand by her principles as firmly as she wishes or as much as she evangelises.


We learned with our first, boy Earthly, that we just had to let him cry sometimes. Because he cried ALL the time - that's just who he was. And as much as we would try and comfort him and rock him, sing to him, stick him on the boob endlessly, oh and all the other little tricks that you pick up rapidly as new parents - he often still just needed to cry himself to sleep. We used to worry that he was in terrible pain (and indeed blamed the first three months to colic, and thereafter teething), but soon realised that it was just his way. Just as he would never fall asleep on his back - if he wasn't asleep before going in his hammock we had to put him down on the bed on his front, and stroke his back until he settled. And yes, we felt like terrible parents, because we are told as a society that tummy sleeping is wrong and your baby will die. What they don't tell you is that some babies much prefer to sleep on their tummies - like some adults - and it's also a relief for colic.


With girl Earthly, I am reliving the pain of having to let her cry sometimes. It's not a decision I have made, and it's certainly not something I feel at all wonderful about. Ordinarily I wake up the second baby starts to whimper, sometimes even just before. But I confess that there have been occasions where I have been so exhausted that my senses have not roused until mid-wail, and by the time I've dragged my weary parts together enough to pick baby up, she has been screaming her lungs out for some few minutes. At other times I've actually fallen asleep while she continued to cry, my arm encircling her in a pathetically feeble attempt at comfort.


My mum said to me whilst on holiday that "you don't need to run to them the moment they start to cry", and whilst I disagree with her fundamental meaning, in other ways she's right. We've learned that our babies will often cry a little - sometimes even copiously - when self-settling. In fact they can sound horrendously upset for 2 whole minutes before completely zonking out. It's heart-renching and emotionally and physically exhausting, but necessary. If we interrupt and attempt to soothe, the wails become hysterical and we simply prolong the agony for all of us. Equally, when one starts to wake and whimper, I will listen intently for a few moments to determine whether I am actually needed. Tensed, senses sharpened, I await the change in tone from slightly disgruntled/discomfited to the beginnings of distress. At that point I sigh, my shoulders droop, and I stir my limbs from the warm bed for the nth time that night.


I read a wonderful blog post a little while ago, by Alternative Mama, entitled "Crying it Out vs Allowing Crying - A Big Difference". I urge you all to head over there and read it NOW (and browse her vast archives of other mother-worldly experience and take on natural parenting). She explains much more eloquently than I can right now, just what I struggled with:

"I always felt like, as an attached parent, I had to ignore my own needs. I was trying to pull patience and energy out of the bag when I had none to give, and therefore was feeling like an utter failure as a mother. I felt like I was missing something that the other gentle mothers had all discovered. However, there is no way to summon energy when you have none. You simply cannot give when there is nothing left. Despite what many online parenting communities would have me believe, I am not a bad mother for needing to get some god-damned sleep."

On reading this, all the guilt and feelings of failure I felt at allowing my babies to cry at times, melted away. And she reiterated what we had already discovered about recognising different types of cry, and determining what those different cries required from us. Often it was some kind of comfort, or a mixture of comfort and food/change/burping etc. But sometimes, we knew that we just had to leave baby alone to cry for a short period. After months and months of agonising and hair tearing and floods of tears, the relief just washed over us.


Help break the great taboos of parenting: join in and share this post and those below as part of Lucy's Blogging Carnival of Emotions:

• Knowing Anger, by Rachael at The Variegated Life
• PND, by Laura at Nestled Under Rainbows
• Isolation: Knowing You are Not Alone, by The New Mommy Files
• It's Not All Bloody, by Earthenwitch
• The White Heat of Mama Anger and Is the Silencing of Mama Anger a Feminist Issue, by Lucy at Dreaming Aloud
• Mama Rage, by Apron Stringz
• Forgetting Connection, by Code Name Mama

10-5-1: Looking Back to Look Forward

I got to thinking the other night about how far I've come in the last decade, in so many ways. Sometimes it's easy to feel stuck in a rut and as if our life is going nowhere. But taking an objective look back (with the help of my email account!) really made me think, and start to appreciate what I've achieved and how much has changed.

I'd like to invite you all to join me, in a bit of a blog carnival, and share your posts with me about what you were doing 10, 5 and 1 years ago. What have you achieved, what's changed? Have you made steps towards your dreams, or have your dreams shifted? Do you feel as if you know better now where you're going next?

I can't wait to read your posts! Please come back and share your link below so we can all join in :)

Ten

Ten years ago this month I was graduating from an MA in Linguistics and wondering where I'd go next. I desperately wanted to go to art college but with no funding available for such a thing, and with not enough pennies to fund it myself, I went for the next best option, which was an MSc in Cognitive Science. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do but I knew that it would be a good springboard for me to do my own research in the psychology of art. I spent all Summer working as a research assistant within the department, analysing hand-drawn sketches done by participants in a graphical communication task. Not quite as glamorous as it sounds (I spent hours debating what things were and whether they could be categorised as duplicates of similar tokens or were in fact new tokens), it did however pay my course fees and give me a small stipend to live off. At the time I thought I might stay in academia and do a PhD or move into the world of publishing, but really I had no idea!


In terms of family, I dreamed of finding my equal in a partner - and one who could handle me! I had no ambitions for kids at all!

Five

In June 2006, I had just left a career in publishing, after becoming disillusioned with the industry - I had hoped it would be more hands-on than it ended up being and I wasn't prepared to move to London in the hope of finding a more creative position. So I put the works in motion to make my erstwhile hobby (making copper jewellery and hand-felted accessories) a more profitable business, and thus was born Earthly Treasures. 


I didn't know where it might take me at that point but I felt so thrilled to be self-employed and doing my own thing, with my own talents, and without someone to tell me what I could and couldn't do/explore/work on.


Having got together with Father Earthly in 2004, we were now planning our wedding for the following year, and harboured dreams of some day building ourselves a little straw bale house in the woods ;)

One

June 2010 saw me 4 months pregnant, with a 10-month old to look after, and living on our newly-delivered canal boat which was nought but a steel shell sprayed with foam insulation on the inside.



I'd stopped making and selling my crafts during my first pregnancy as I didn't want to be breathing in the dust and fumes that my work required, so we were now concentrating on the Fairtrade side of things. We'd not long since taken on premises for the business and I was working there during the week whilst starting to plan my maternity leave cover. At the weekends we were either working in the shop or trying to sort out our lives on the boat. 


At the time I was really chuffed to have our own shop, and a place for me to start making things again when I got the chance, though the issue of travelling down from our boat was already rearing its head. And with another baby brewing I was beginning to realise that I might not have much time to further the business much for a while. But, as ever, I was willing to see where things took me :)


Your turn! How much has your life (and your dreams) changed???